Feral Street - The Climax (also known as the Orgasm Episode)

Feral Street 

It's like Debbie Does Dallas in her Wonder Years. 

Pray she doesn't have a mullet... down there. 

The Thrilling Climax (also known as the Orgasm Episode)

Ep.6 – Family First. 

In the last Ep, Timbo was in jail and Johnno was still on the run. Will Trace ever able to tell her man about her problem, or will MG get to her first? 

Wendy the cop opens the glass cell door. 

Timbo: (Grinning). 'Hey cutey! Are ya here to take me DNA sample? I'm ready to give it!'

Wendy: 'I'm ignoring that. We've retrieved the hotel video. It seems the other men did start the fight.' 

Timbo: 'Told ya! Those suits were fruits in cahoots!' 

Wendy: 'You are weird. Look, the hotel could have pressed charges, so you're lucky that you're only banned.' 

Timbo: 'Banned? But I didn't even flash me todge! Now I can't play me pokie machines! Where am I s'posed to drink now?' 

Wendy: 'Gambling is bad for you. And there are others bars around.' 

Timbo puts his hand to his chest with fake surprise: 'You really care hey! And did you just ask me out for a date?' 

Wendy: 'Ah, I don't think so. But you can tell your mate he's off the hook. If he turns up.'

Timbo: 'Johnno isn't home yet? Filth Meister. He's probably got his doodle stuck in a poodle.' Wendy: 'You're disgusting.' 

Timbo: 'That's just what we say, when we pick up a stray. Not that I do. I'm waiting for the right woman. Wink. Wink.' 

Wendy: 'She would have to be insane. Anyway I'm sure your mate will come home when he's hungry. Right. My shift is over. Do you have a lift?' 

Timbo: 'Are you serious? The only lifting I do is me beer to me mouth!' Wendy: (Sighs) 'If you promise not to be gross, I can give you a lift.' 

Timbo: 'I got a better idea. How about I give you a lift to a late night bar and buy you a drink?' 

Wendy: 'You just said you don't have a car.' 

Timbo: 'Oh. Um. Yeah. They call me Himbo sometimes. Ha ha. Howz about you gimme your phone number instead? Really, I'm not bad. Maybe a little sad, but that's ok, coz I'm not a dad!' 

Wendy: 'Come on Brain Melt, I'll take you home. And I'll think about it. As long as you stop with the rubbish dump limericks.' 

Timbo: 'Anything for you. You're pretty top. For a cop.' 

Wendy: 'And you're kinda fun. For a bum.'

Back at the girls house, Sez, Trace and MG finish up the last of the cheap cask wine. 

Sez: 'I think we should invest in a dog.' 

Trace: 'Really? You reckon we can afford it?' 

Sez: 'No but I need something to kick the shit out of when I get home.' MG laughs. It's a raucous roly poly guffaw. 

Sez looks to Trace and raises her eyebrows. 'What a fucker of a night. I'll check youse later.'

Trace: 'Where'd ya think ya goin, ya slut sauce?' (makes a poor attempt at hiding not wanting to be alone with MG). 

Sez: 'I gotta go to me Mums. Have to get me little cum stain.' 

MG: 'You're what?' 

Sez: 'The scabby squealer, the annoying anchor. Me sperm sample!' (she slaps Trace's arm). 'Don't do anything I wouldn't do!' 

Trace: 'You'd do anything, slop bucket.' 

Sez laughs and leaves. 

Trace: 'I'm really tired now Muddie.' (fake yawns & stretches.) 'Awhhwwwhwhhhww.' 

MG: 'But I gotta talk to you Trace.' 

Trace: 'Not now Muddie. There's too much shit goin on in me head. I'm worried about me man Johnno. Remember him?' 

MG: 'It's really important. It's about that time.' 

Trace: (whispering). 'Jesus Mud, I was trashed that night. Look, I know you wanna slam the salami but it's not gunna happen again, awright?' 

MG: 'But... I shuda told you before...I... I got the clap. You gotta get yourself checked out.' 

Trace: 'What? I got it from you? Where the fuck you get it from?' 

MG: 'Well... um..' (looks at the floor). 

Trace: (holding her hand to her mouth). 'Say it isn't real Muddie. Say it isn't real!' 

MG: 'She's not me real Nana! She's me step Nana!' 

Trace: 'Aww you're fuckin disgustipated!' 

MG: 'She's not that old. She's under 50 you know! Just.' 

Trace: 'Get outa me house ya dirty maggot Nana-fucker! You've given me old Nana crabs!'

Johnno is still stumbling around the outer suburbs, lost. He's hungry. He's tired. He's thirsty. And he's as dirty as a feral cat. 'Mummeeeeeeee!' And maybe one day, he'll work out how to get home. Or perhaps be smart enough to ask someone for help. More than likely he'll be out there forever. Searching for Feral Street.

Most definitely the end. 

Hope you enjoyed the series. 

https://www.anthonyjlangfordbooks.com/books

Coming Soon, 

More in the Series on Greatest Written Films 

More Poetry 

A new non-fiction Series - Famous After Death 

Until Then,

Feral Street - Episode 5 with Video

A friend put me onto this video. If I could make Feral Street into a series, I would cast this guy in the lead. Gold.

   

Feral Street Like the Sopranos parachuted into an X-rated Gilligan's Island. But not. Pray you don't end up there..without a mullet. Meet Johnno, Timbo, Sez & Trace. And MG (Mud Guts). (All early twentys. The boys live together, the girls next door and across the road, MG with his Nana.) Warning: Not for the easily offended..

Ep.5 - Cop a Feel. In the last Ep, an all in brawl at the pub split the team. The cops were called but Johnno went on the run. 

Timbo moans as two cops throw him into the glassed cell. One of them is a young blonde woman. 

Timbo: 'Please guys! No rectal exam! Beat me up instead!' 

Male Cop: 'Another freakin yobbo comedian.' 

Timbo: 'This is messed up guys! I'm not even pissed hey!' 

Wendy, the Female cop: 'You were involved in a foray.' 

Timbo: 'Foray? I don't eat fish. Geez guys, just coz a guy's got a bit of a mullet goin on you blame him! Those suit wankers started it!' 

Wendy the cop: 'My brother's got a mullet, so that's got nothing to do with it. We'll interview everyone and get the full story.' 

Timbo (looking her up and down) 'That could be hours! Come on Miss. Give a bloke a leg up! Or at least a leg over!' Wendy: 'Enough of that! It'll take how ever long it needs to.'

Timbo: (singing). 'Oh I've got the Jailhouse Bluuuess! And I think I just did a pooz! Miss, you'd make me so happy, if you cud put on me nappy!' 

Wendy: (smirking): 'You're not funny. I'll be sitting right there, (points to her desk) so I'll be watching you okay?' 

Timbo: (smiling) 'Sweeeet! Maybe it won't be so bad then. Take ya time hey!' Wendy can't help but smile, shakes her head and goes to her desk.

 

Trace, Sez and MG have given their statements to the police and are walking home. 

Sez (punches her hand): 'Oh that's ruined me whole fuckin night! I wanted to get Timbo smashed as a maggot and get a hold of him.' 

Trace: 'You mean get a hold of his schlong, ya filthy minded tart!' 

Sez: 'You can talk, with ya crabitat yoghurt crabgina!' Trace (angrily embarrassed): 'Shut ya trap Whoredrobe!' Mud Guts is unsure what they're on about. 

Sez: 'Now its all fucked up. How's a woman s'posed to pull a good bloke around here? With all these screwed up feral losers! No offence Mud Guts.' 

MG (with his crossing rapper arms): 'I know youse weren't talking about me, coz I got it goin on, don't you see! I'm Q u a l i t y with a capital K! Oh Em Gee.' 

Trace laughs. 

Sez: 'No offence Muddie but the only way you're gunna pull a root is if she's fat, blind, retarded, deaf, ugly as a warts pus on a pigs ass with no arms, no legs and spends her day sniffing around a garbage dump for an empty baked bean can to lick.' 

Trace laughs so hard she snorts. MG watches his beloved Trace, knives plunged deep into his fragile heart, his bottom lip quivering. Trace is laughing so hard she begins coughing and brings up a pile of yellow green phlegm and spits it out. 

Sez: 'Ya snot got on me shoe Slobber Slut!'

 

Johnno runs through the dark street, his mullet flapping around his ears. These cops want him. He knows he will go to jail for sure. They've been hounding him since he was 15 and stole a car and crashed it into the Chinese laundry and hid inside one of the dryers and the owner in a fit of rage turned it on. 

Ok, so the cops rescued him that time but there was that time that two cops stuck his head in a toilet! How messed up man! Even if his hair was accidentally on fire after he broke into a paint shop and was so wasted he fell into a cabinet of paint thinners, getting soaked and laughing and lighting a ciggie. Guess they rescued him then too. But they wanted him locked up for good this time! And none of it was his fault! He would have left town or caught the train to the city or somewhere if only he wasn't lost. 

All he knew was that he couldn't go home. Wherever that was. He holds his hands to the Southern Stars, like the dude in Shawshank Redemption. 'Farrckkkk!'

 

Next and last Ep: Will Johnno be caught by the cops? Will Timbo be freed by the cops? Will MG confess his love for Trace? Will Sez ever get the snot off her shoe?

 

My Books, Videos, Downloads and more

https://www.anthonyjlangfordbooks.com/

Until then,

 

Feral Street - Episode 4 of 6

Feral Street 

Kind of like the O.C. but totally opposite. 

Pray you don't end up there... without a mullet. 

Meet Johnno, Timbo, Sez & Trace. And MG (Mud Guts). (All twenty something. The boys live together, the girls next door and across the road, MG with his Nana.) 

Warning: Not for the easily offended.. 

Ep.4 – The Feral Five bastards 

Last Ep Trace still hadn't told Johnno about her problem, mainly because he was preoccupying himself with his Pamela Anderson poster. Tonight, they're hitting the pub, even if they have to walk there. 

The Feral Four have beers in hand but are 45 mins late meeting MG outside his Nana's house. 

MG: 'Bout time you guys!' 

Timbo: 'Shut ya guts, Mud Guts.' 

Johnno: 'Yeah Mud Brain.' 

Trace: 'Fuck Winkle.' 

Sez: 'Yeah Muddie. Ya guts look like a lumpy pair of elephant balls!' 

MG moans but the other four crack up. 

Johnno: 'Let's go. We got a long walk.'

Twenty minutes later they arrive at the pub. 

Sez is panting. 'God that's a long way. I think I need a ciggie.' 

Timbo: 'Good idea.' (They all light up). 

MG: 'Guys, can we eat this time please? I'm starving!' Trace: 'You're always starvin ya fat cheese log.' 

Johnno: 'I need a friggin beer. Badly.' 

Timbo: 'You just finished one ya drunken butt sack!' 

Johnno: 'That was just a traveller. Doesn't count. I want a real beer.' 

Trace: 'That was real beer ya horny Pamela Anderson cucumber.' 

Johnno goes red: 'Don't talk to me Slut Cream! Unless it's with ya legs open!' 

Trace's mouth drops and Johnno storms off. 

Sez: 'Oh nice one Johnno ya mangy maggot!' 

Timbo: 'Don't listen to him Trace. He's nuthin but a dead dingo's dried do-do.' 

But Trace starts to cry. 

MG's belly groans and he rubs it: 'Sorry tummy. They know not what they do.' 

Sez puts her arm around Trace: 'Forget that fuckin dog bandit.' 

Trace: 'I can't. He's the only guy who gives me vagina a heartbeat.' 

Sez: 'The only punany he wants is Pamela Anderson's. What sorta guy wanks off to a freakin poster?' 

Timbo: 'Um yeah.' Timbo quickly looks to MG and back again. 'Anyway, at least it's not to Paris Hilton. That bitch gives head as bout as good as she can act! Come on Gut boy.' (Timbo takes MG and leads him away). 

Sez: 'Trace, you gotta put out love. Let him go Greek Style.' 

Trace: 'I'm not frigid ya know! I tried that. I didn't mind it but afterwards his dong looked like a chocolate covered muesli bar!' 

Sez: 'You have to talk to him about the crabs. You gotta come clean.' 

Trace: 'After the Greek, that's what he said!'

The boys stand at the bar and the girls join them. Unexpectedly a group of middle aged footy officials in badly dressed suits walks in, but Johnno, still cranky, refuses to let them in at the bar. 

Suit 1: 'Come on mate. Shove over will ya?' 

Johnno: 'I was here first.' 

Suit 2 laughs. 

Suit 1: 'Don't act like a bogan mate. You're not the only one who's thirsty.' 

Johnno turns.: 'Just coz I got a mullet don't make me stupid.' 

Suit 1: 'Never said you were stupid mate.' 

Johnno turns. 'Never call a bogan, a bogan. Unless you mean it.' 

Suit 1: 'What? I said it, didn't I?' 

Johnno: 'Well I am. And proud of it too.' 

Suit 1: 'Good on ya. We agree.' 

Johnno: 'No we don't! I don't agree with nuthin you say mate!' 

Suit 1: 'So you're not a bogan then?' 

Johnno: 'Don't say I'm not a bogan.! I am!' 

Suit 1: 'Oh Christ almighty. Forget it.' 

Johnno: 'Haha. I win!' Suit 2: 'What a fuckin knob jockey!' (he steps up). You're a fuckin bogan dick chips.' 

A fist goes flying and beer sprays everywhere and a glass smashes into Suit 1's face and people rush in and Sez screams and there's blood and Trace screams for Johnno but in moments there is an all in brawl. 

Security rushes in and the bartender calls the cops. 

Suit 2 falls in front of Trace and believing she is defending her man, rests her shoe on the man's gonads. 

Trace: 'Ya Mumma screws Elvis impersonators and chews moldy gum from ya cat's labia majora!' She squishes down hard. But no one notices as Johnno sneaks out the back and does a runner.

Next Ep: Where has Johnno got to? What happens to the rest of them when the cops turn up? Will Mud Guts ever get to eat? Until then,

https://www.anthonyjlangfordbooks.com/books

 

Feral Street Intermission.... Logos

Feral Street

As we have reached halfway through this remarkable suburban saga, I wanted to share with you some Logo's my good (and very creative) friend Mark designed. I can see them on T-shirts everywhere.

What do you think?






Can you imagine Feral Street as a TV series?
Would love some feedback.

If you've got any enjoyment out of this series at all, please spread the word by sharing this on your Facebook etc. The more followers I have, the more interest publishers will show, which is what I'm ultimately after. (Apart from entertaining you of course).


Next Post, Feral Street, Episode 4 - The Feral Five go Frollicking...

Until Then,

Feral Street - Episode 3

Feral Street Kind of like the O.C. but totally opposite. Pray you don't end up there..without a mullet. Meet Johnno, Timbo, Sez & Trace. And MG (Mud Guts). (All twenty something. The boys live together, the girls next door and across the road, MG with his Nana.) A Six Part Series Warning: Not for the easily offended..

Ep.3 - The White Trash Strikes Back. Last week, Sez told Trace that yoghurt may help with her crabby problem. Then MG rocked up with a problem of his own. MG (Mud Guts) sits in the girl's loungeroom looking at the Guns n Roses 1993 Tour poster as Sez makes him a cup of instant coffee with four sugars. Trace emerges in a towel from the kitchen with a tub of strawberry yoghurt in her hand. She sees MG and is embarrassed, also remembering that very drunken 'one off'. The things we do when pissed. 

MG: 'Hey Trace. Looking good babe.' 

Trace: 'I'm not even dressed you perve monkey.' (she disappears down the hallway). 

MG: 'You got a towel dontchya? Doesn't worry me!' 

Sez appears with the coffee: 'You're a sleaze-bucket Muddie. So what's the problem?' 

MG: 'Um, it's about tonight.' 

Sez: 'Tonight? Oh shit! We're supposed to be going out hey? Fuck me, I'll have to get me mum to hang onto me baby. She's gunna shit bricks!' 

MG: 'That'd be gross hey! If you could really shit bricks. They'd be brown hey!' 

Sez: 'I reckon you talk shit bricks. So we're still going out right?' 

MG: 'Well yeah but I can't borrow me Nana's car. She needs it. It's bingo night.' 

Sez: 'Oh shit a cold chicken Muddie! We gotta walk again? Jesus Christ! You want me to get fit or sumfin? Me lungs can't handle it!' 

MG: 'Soz darl. But maybe you should cut down to 60 ciggies a day.' 

Sez: 'Fuck you bowel movement. I only smoke 50 a day.'

 

Later Trace goes next door to Johnno and Timbo's place. Timbo opens the door. 

Trace: 'Mud Guts can't drive us tonight. We gotta walk.' 

Timbo: 'That MG is nuthin but a pair of fat crack smokin gerbil balls! Pity we don't have no buses no more. All those little shits throwin rocks at 'em fucked it up for everybody.' 

Trace: 'You was one of those little shits weren't ya?' 

Timbo: (grins) 'In my day we only chucked oranges. If you're looking for your fuktard boyfriend he's in his stink pit.' 

Trace is suddenly nervous. Should she tell her guy the bad news? Unless the strawberry yoghurt does actually work. She walks down the hallway, stepping over dirty clothes and empty beer bottles and opens his bedroom door. 

Johnno is standing in front of his Pamela Anderson poster, masturbating. 'What the fuck? Don't you knock?' 

Trace: 'What are you doing, you Pervasaurus! You prefer that slozzy-pop over me?' 

Johnno grabs his pillow and hides his old fella. 'What you expect Trace? Man's not a giraffe!' 

Trace: 'Don't you mean camel?' 

Johnno: 'Whatever! Camel toe.. yeah, be nice to see your camel toe! I need to get me end away! We been going out 3 whole weeks and ya still won't let me stick it in!' 

Trace: 'I give ya head heaps ya selfish ass anaconda!' 

Johnno: 'Yeah, I know, and it's good but... Shit. I wanna nail ya! I wanna like, toss ya girl scouts salad, and....screw ya all romantic and shit. What's wrong wif dat?' 

Trace: (getting more uncomfortable. She wants to tell him). 'Aw you are a sweetie Johnno and I wanna pole dance your pole too but I gotta talk to ya about sumfin.' 

Johnno: 'Shit girl. Couldn't ya waited til I finished strangling the ferret?' 

Trace: (walks up and gives him a fierce nipple twister). 

Johnno: 'Ouch,that killed!' Trace: 'Go back to your wank then ya fuckin homo-lesby-sexual!' (she storms off). 

Johnno: 'Wait up honey box! I waz jokin! He throws down his pillow and runs after her, but she is already out the front door. Undeterred he follows her in his birthday suit with his candle to attention. 'Babe! Pamela Anderson means nuthin' to me!' 

Trace runs next door and Johnno is left naked and alone in his front yard, apart from the shocked Sri Lankan family of six across the street who have just pulled up. 

Johnno: 'Trace! Are we still going out tonight? Trace!!' He sniffs. 'That's weird. I'm sure I can smell strawberries!'

 

Next Ep: Will the Feral Five still go out to the pub? Will they actually have to walk? Will Trace finally get around to telling Johnno about her crabs? Or will MG make his move on Trace first? I bet you can't wait. 

My Books, Videos, Short Films and Free Downloads

https://www.anthonyjlangfordbooks.com/

Until then,

 

Feral Street - Episode 2

Feral Street 

Kind of like the O.C. but totally opposite. Pray you don't end up there..without a mullet.

(A Feral or a Bogan is a redneck) 

 A Six Part Series Meet Johnno, Timbo, Sez & Trace. 

And MG (Mud Guts). (All twenty something. The boys live together, the girls next door and across the road, MG with his Nana.) 

Warning: Not for the easily offended...

Ep.2 – Strawberry flavoured. 

Last time, Johnno and Timbo took a day off job hunting (again) to play Wii. Meanwhile next door, at Sez and Trace's house. 

Sez: (coming out of the bathroom). 'Hey Trace! Did you like, leave ya pimples behind or sumfin?' 

Trace: (in her bedroom, looking for her razor). 'What crap are you talkin scrag?' 

Sez: 'Come and look this toilet seat! There's like, red dots on there! Ya ass pimples fallin off or sumfin? Ha ha.' 

Trace: (takes her razor and walks to the bathroom). 'Hey well I'm workin on it awright? Jesus. Give a girl a chance!' 

Sez: 'You're not a girl, ya old pro. You're like some filthy bloke with ya sweaty jock rash!' 

Trace: (embarrassed) 'Ah, its not a skin rash.' (she holds up her razor with a questioning look). 

Sez: 'What? You cut your legs or sumfin? You're like a teenager you slut fish. Or a trannie.' 

Trace: 'Jesus! Do I gotta spell it out for ya ya dumb whore hound? I got fucken crabs!' 

Sez: 'WHAT? Get the fucken hell outa ME house!' She points.

Trace: 'That's OUR house and what do ya reckon me razor's for? Me pubes are comin off awright?' 

Sez: 'Fucken Hell! You been using me furniture! And cutlery too!' 

Trace: 'Not to fucken masturbate with ya crack Whore! Stop ya carry on! It's not like you been goin down on me or nuthin!' 

Sez: 'Oh shit. And I really didn't want to either. No. No. Yukky. Uh-huh.' 

Trace: (Notices her awkwardness). 'Oh me God! You fancy me ass? You salmon sucker!'

Sez: 'Don't be fricken disgusting.' 

Trace: 'You do! You want a piece of Trace perch!' 

Sez: 'You can talk Crab girl! You gunna tell Johnno about your problem ya slut gorilla?' 

Trace: 'I haven't rooted him yet! And I'm gunna shave. Right now.' 

Sez: 'Can't the crabs crawl up ya? Don't you need cream or sumfin?' 

Trace: 'I dunno. Am I a bloody sexpert? Do we got any cream?' 

Sez: 'I got yoghurt in the fridge. Its s'psed to be good for ya ain't it?' 

Trace: 'I fink so. I heard that it's got Vitamin D in it. Is it vanilla?' 

Sez: 'I think it's strawberry.' 

Trace: 'What the hell, that'll do. Give me 10 mins to whip off this cactus plant then bring it in.' (There's a knock on the front door). 

Sez: 'Oh shit! I hope that's not your man. He sooo wants to bonk you. Does he know you're a dirty slustard who'll fuck anyone down the pub for a half a beer?' 

Trace: 'Hey! I'm better than that! I ask for a whole beer.' 

Sez: (smiling). 'Skank.' 

Trace: 'Don't you say a word ya squid licker. Go answer the door!' (She shuts the bathroom door). 

Sez walks to the front door. It's tubby MG (Mud Guts), from across the road. 

Sez: Oh hi Muddy. 

MG: 'Helsinki, we have a problem.' 

Sez: 'Who's Hell Sinky?'

 

Next Ep: What is MG's problem? Will Trace get rid of her pubes? Can she really confess to the man she loves that she has crabs? Or will the strawberry yoghurt do the trick? 

https://www.anthonyjlangfordbooks.com/books

 Until Then,

 

Feral Street Episode 1 - Celebrating Cultural Diversity - Redneck Month.

Feral Street

Kind of like the O.C. but totally opposite.
Pray you don't end up there... without a mullet.

(A Feral or a Bogan is a redneck)

Meet Johnno, Timbo, Sez & Trace. And MG (Mud Guts).
(All twenty something. The boys live together, the girls next door
and across the road, MG with his Nana.)



Warning: Not for the easily offended.

Ep. 1 – Rent sucks.
Can Johnno get a job or will he kill someone trying?


Timbo scoffs his weetbix, milk in his uneven goatee. Johnno walks in wearing only boxer shorts. He cocks his leg and farts.

Timbo: 'Mate! I'm tryin to eat me fuckin breakfast!'

Johnno: 'Don't talk about food. I might puke. I drank too much last night.'

Timbo: 'Talk about food? I'm already eatin it!'

Johnno: 'Whatever.' (He plops onto the tattered, tartan couch and his balls fall out his boxers.) 'So you interested in Sez mate or what? I reckon she's got the hot twat for you mate.'

Timbo: (with a mouth full of food). 'She's alright but she got a freakin kid.' (Looks to Johnno). Oh come on Maaaate! I can shee ya balls! I'm tryin to eat here!'

Johnno: 'Ya didn't mind em last night you woz snorin and I plonked em in your mouth!'
Timbo: (sprays his weetbix across the floor) 'Whaaaaa...'

Johnno laughs and pats his back. 'Only kiddin mate. I can't even remember last night.' He sighs.: 'One of these days I gotta get me a job. Have to get to the dole office. Can't afford rent this week.'

Timbo: 'What? But it's your turn! We're fucked man. You suck.'

Johnno: 'I suck but I don't swallow. Besides, it's your turn to buy the booze.'

Timbo: 'Bullshit mate. I bought the case yesterdee.'

Johnno: 'Yeah and I bought the two cases before that ya possum shaggin gangsta!' (He lifts his leg and lets rip once more).


Timbo throws his bowl onto the wooden coffee table and half of it spills onto the copy of Ralph's 2004 swimsuit issue. 'Fuckin hell, you're a stink box! You need a doctor to pull out that dead cat's quarter pounder with mouldy cheese!'

Johnno scratches his balls. 'Ya might be right about the mouldy pussy. I reckon Trace has crabs.'

Timbo jumps to his feet. 'Get off me fuckin couch then ya fecal rabbit!'

Johnno laughs again. 'Jokin bro. I'm still tryin to get into her pants. I had less struggle from me cousin! Trace is friggin hard work.'

Timbo: 'It's not what the blokes down the pub say!'

Johnno points: 'Don't make jokes about me girl or I'll fuckin job ya! She's as hot as Satan's balls! A fair dinkum prize!'

Timbo: 'Prize alright! At last week's raffle, she was the prize!'

Johnno jumps to his feet and tackles Timbo and the coffee table upturns and the weetbix go flying like vomit and they roll around half naked wrestling.

Timbo: 'You asshole gremlin!'

Johnno: 'Ya mum's an asshole!'

Timbo: 'Least I got a mum!'

Johnno suddenly gets mad and bitch slaps hard Timbo in the face.

Timbo: 'Ow! Jerry Gee Lewis! What the fuck you do that for ya psycho?'

Johnno holds up his fist: 'Don't say shit about me dead mum!'

Timbo: 'She's not dead!'

Johnno: 'One day she will be!'

Timbo struggles to stand, clasping his face. 'Anyway, I thought you were s'posed to be goin to the dole office, not that any dildo would be stupid enough to give you one.'

Johnno: 'Yeah tomorrow man. Today I'm gunna whip your bony virgin kazoo in Wii Fit!'

Timbo: 'You're on Moose fucker! Can we drink beer and do it from the couch?'

Johnno: 'Der. Does a fish shit in the woods?'

Next time. Does Timbo fancy Sez, or is he put off because she's a 20 yr old mother? Will MG finally reveal his secrets? And can Trace tell her Johnno that she really does have crabs? Or will Johnno get into her pants first?

For my Books, Videos, Free Downloads and more visit https://www.anthonyjlangfordbooks.com/

Until Then,