Mental Health Month - The Anxiety Trap

We all suffer in some form, some of the time. So perhaps you, or someone you know, may relate to these.

The Anxiety Trap

aka Locked in self

Are you having a bad day?

Did they say something?

Is it the workload?

Is it that person?

Or is it something else entirely?

I’m here if you want to talk

Or if you don’t want to talk

But need a friendly voice

Company

Shoulder.

Do you have anxiety or depression?

If so, I get it

I’m the fucking King

It’s been my constant companion

You don’t have to explain

A thing

Instead, say no-thing

You don’t have to highlight

What’s already there

I can see it

It doesn’t deserve our focus.

I’m here

You’re there

And its in the middle

Preventing one of us

From making that first move

Into the void.

It’s cold comfort

Which keeps us

At home

On the couch

Under the covers

Strengthening

Our nemesis.

Cyclical

Trap.

Kindred spirits

Locked in self.

Reaching out

Is not the first step

It’s the greatest chasm

Something they don’t understand.

We just want it to be a little easier

A little peace

In our time.

© ajl 2019

more Poetry

more Videos

At the end of the series I'll be compiling this poem and 9 others into a pdf for download, called All Empires Crumble. All are from 2019.

Mental Health Month - In the Wallows

In the Wallows

I sit

Slouching really

In the tepid gloom

Of a season in decline

An unflinching force

Towards winter

A lowly lit room

A pathetic metaphor

For my fatalistic mood

Defeated, it feels

By the everyday

The alarm chime, the routine to rise

The traffic, the commitment

The morons whose mistakes

Aim to trip us up

Our constant guard exhausting

The arsehole whose harsh words

And selfish actions

Taint our worldview

And make it all

marina by m.tau - deviant art

Unnecessarily difficult.

And now I’m aware

That I’ve gone from

I to Us

As though I’m speaking for others

Universal practices or not

Whereas

It’s just me here.

The battle is very personal

And right now

I feel I’ve lost.

That’s the true evil of depression

That the current mood

Stands for all time

The pervading, cloying doom

Eternal.

Whereas in half a day

I may have clawed my way back

As we often do

As those aforementioned tediums

Require that we must

As money is still required

To survive.

So I’ll rise once more

No doubt

But for now

I’m home

In the wallows.

ajl 2019



(I don't have any answers. All I'm saying is that sometimes it's okay to feel bad, if we are able to remind ourselves that these awful feelings will pass. Just hang on).

At the end of the series I'll be compiling this poem and 9 others into a pdf for download,
called All Empires Crumble. All are from 2019.


Previous Mental Health Month entries

Mental Health Month - Work Stress

Mental Health Month

Is your daily grind like this?

The Grind

Slave to the keyboard

Another meeting

No different to all the others

Listening to someone bitch

Having to succumb to the whims

Of a person above you

That you don’t like

Changing the diapers of a 88 year old

Answering the phone

Making the call
Sending that vital email

Reading the meter

Changing the plug

Trying to change the client's mind

Cleaning up after another's muck

You need coffee

You need lunch

You need your daily break

You need more drugs

For that reoccurring headache.

Finally that last hour comes around

You sigh as you walk out the door

And prepare

To follow other routines

All the way to bed

And back again.

This is the life

The way it must be

So we are led to believe

The reason why we've endured

Years of more routines we didn’t like

In those budding years
Youth fleeting as it is

When we should have been having more fun

And maybe learning about more important things

Like relationships

And how to get through the grind

Or come up with other alternatives

Other than Pi and formulas

and other crap

That we will never need.

Call me old fashioned

Or maybe deranged

But maybe we wouldn’t have to ‘grind’ so much

If there wasn’t this incessant rush

To a version 4.2 upgrade

Which is probably worse than the last

When the one before that was good enough.

Perhaps if the world slowed down a little

And we talked to each other

And sat back and looked at the stars

And the rocks and realized

That we stand with giants

And angels
But only

For the briefest possible moment.

Simple is the way to be

It gives us calm and poise and space

To enjoy our limited time

While we can.

copyright 2012 anthony j. langford

This series is written from the heart and personal experiences. 

Please share if you can, or comment. Alternatively email me if you want to reach out. 

Mental Health Month

Next week will be a new Poem and Video on Anxiety/Depression.

At the end of this 5 part series I'll be compiling, 4 out of 5 of them into a pdf for download, plus with an extra 6, 10 in total. It will be called All Empires Crumble. All deal with Mental Health and all are from 2019.

Two Novellas in One Book - Out Now. - Here

Mental Health Month - The Scales

Mental Health Month

This series is about my personal battles but we all suffer in some form, some of the time. So perhaps you, or someone you know, may relate to these. There will be three poem/videos on anxiety/depression. One on Work Stress and the last on the difficulties of reaching out for help.

The Scales

The Scales

Like you

thy mournia by m.tau at deviant art

(Perhaps subconsciously)

I seek that sweet spot

The pathway

Between what I deserve

What I’m owed

And what I should accept.

Between the need

To be nurtured

And to nurture another.

Between putting on a happy face

And actually feeling it.

Being outraged

And realising it’s not personal

Merely a generic trend.

To drowning genuine sorrows

And sagging in self pity.

To seeking love

Seeking companionship

Without being subservient

Or building unrealistic expectations.

Having the sense

And wisdom

To know

Where that Middle Ground

Is served best.

I fear

A perpetual reassessment

Never striking the perfect note

Hoping for a compassionate balance

More often than not.

9 p.m.

6.1.19

© ajl 2019


At the end of the series I'll be compiling this poem and 9 others into a pdf for download, called All Empires Crumble. All in the pdf are from 2019. The work stress poem is from 2012 and will not be in the download pdf.

Climate Change Warrior stars in Rally Me Ass Off

Call me The Climate Combatant 

On the way to the Protest, I knew my headache was caused from lack of caffeine, so I got a take away coffee, plus a bottle of coke and a bottle of water. It was going to be a two hour rally, so had to keep my fluids up.

Not long after I got there, and started taking heaps of photos and videos, I realised that my battery was low. I hoped it would last the day before I would have to charge it. I wanted to share my exploits on all the socials. I even considered joining up Snapchat just to get my awesome selfies out! But I didn't have the battery. Woe is me. (electricity is so expensive too huh.)

                       

They knew it, 70 years ago.

Still near....

The night before I had stayed up late making an awesome banner. There was talk of rain so I knew that paper or even cardboard was a bad idea. So I got some hard plastic from the art store, the type that real estate agents use. I didn't have any wood or nails so I got two hard plastic sticks, some super glue and Hey Presto! Awesome! My banner said,

Before cars, we had gas lamps. before that, fire. When will it end?

on the other side it read;

No Oil, except Baby Oil! Baby Oil is awesome for babies, and Nookie.

I realised the Oil one was dumb so had to glue paper over it and wrote;

There is No Planet B

but then I realised that every second person has that dumbass banner, even though I had thought of it first! So this became my Banner Plan B.

Save the Earth. There's no air on the Moon!

I wanted to say, 1 human = 354 tons of carbon a lifetime!

But then I realised there would be lots of kids and young people there who would grow up and have a few kids each, so I didn't want to offend anyone.

Sadly she went back to school the next day.
Cool chemically produced nail polish though!

After some speeches, which everyone agreed with, and some cheers and songs and a shitload of photos of each other, we all went home, luved up and happy with ourselves. There was so many people there. Maybe 30,000! There was so many that you wouldn't believe how much rubbish was left behind! Thank God we didn't have to clean that up!

I went home exhausted. Luckily I had parked my car near the train station, otherwise it would have taken me an extra hour to get home! Fuck that! I was so tired!

Make Love, Have More Carbon Producing Babies! No doubt they'll have plenty each.

I felt so proud of myself, that I ordered some booze, Home Delivery. I also ordered some Uber Eats. I even tipped the dude on the motorbike! I took my paper bag and removed the napkins, three plastic containers with a Beef Burger, (those cows fart a lot of greenhouse gases but I do love my meat!) plus Chips and Chocolate Brownie with plastic knives, fork and spoon. Yummy!

I sat down, on my admittedly burgeoning bum, in front of my 60" TV and watched a movie while my phone was charging. Later, I hit those socials like you wouldn't believe. I got soooo many Likes! Wow!

Bloody Government. The Kids coud run it beter.

They especially loved their Mother when the family flew to the Bahamas on holidays!
Love the makeup too! I wonder what chemicals were used so they could look good?

Tomorrow I'm driving to the Mall for lunch with a friend and later a coffee with my sister and her four kids. I'll probably shout them milkshakes again. They love chewing on the straws, the little urchins. Maybe in-between I'll do some shopping. Don't wanna spend too much but I do need new jeans and shoes. Those ones from China are pretty cheap. Maybe even a shirt from Bangladesh. Sometimes you gotta treat yourself too. I deserve it!

China may be one of the most polluted places on earth, but hell, their jeans are cheap!

I know hypocrisy's bad, but after a protest, I sure feel good!

They even made a movie about it! It must be real!

I'm not a Climate Change Denier. I care about the environment as much as anyone. I'm simply saying we're all part of the problem. If you're going to protest, be more specific. Generic rallies are useless. Protest outside the Chinese embassy. They're the worst polluters on earth and they're doing nothing. Protest outside the headquarters of plastic companies like BASF. And fossil fuel giants like Exxon. Also take responsibility for your own carbon footprint. Get up an hour earlier and walk to school/work. Don't drive. Don't fly. Give up meat. Shop at fruit and veg. markets and not plastic laden supermarkets. Give up the phone. And the TV. Don't use the damn dishwasher or washing machine. (I haven't used either for 4 years). Reduce the amount of electricity you use. Plant your own trees. Grow your own plants and vegetables. Pick up rubbish along a waterway, or a nature reserve. Don't use chemicals, such as shampoo, perfume, make-up, toilet spray etc etc. And saying that the world is going to end by 2050 is just scaring the kiddies. If you really care that much, then don't breed!

'I promise I will never breed.' 

More Satire
yep, it's just satire.

Save your battery and read my new book - all Proceeds to Asylum Seeker Resource Center. Now that's some real action!

A REFUGEE'S RAGE | Anthony J Langford

When she met him he already had cancer.

Caught... between Love and Loss

The actual location. The view from the back of 'Richard's' property.

Page One

        When she met him he already had cancer. He refused to call it by its medical name, a not so rare, but still less common form of lymphoma. It was instead, the little slippery bastard that had been sent to test his will, just as he had begun building the house. She knew all about his dream project, but not his illness. This was due to his dogged character. His certainty that he could beat it on his own, would do, and that it would not interfere in his life. He also didn’t want to scare her off, given that they’d only just begun dating. At twenty seven, she was alluring, audacious and intelligent and with an appreciation for country life, rare qualities in a city raised career girl. She seemed to share his exuberance for the mini homestead, the planned two bedroom wooden cottage which was to be made from recycled and natural materials. There would be an extensive garden out back to draw the eyes up to the mountain, as the town locals called it, though it was more a rocky outcrop atop a large, steep hill, nevertheless, covered with native trees and preserved by council despite many capacious offers to acquire the land for private development.

Richard had been fortunate to purchase the land, as a deceased estate in mid ’94 for an equitable price. The existing building was way beyond repair, it needed demolishing and the land clearing and this he had done on his own, slowly over twelve months as he simultaneously gathered the components required for the enterprise ahead. He discovered that some of the beams could be put to good use, as well as two bedroom doors, a kitchen cupboard, a gramophone box, sans the gramophone and the bath.

By the time had met Rachel at a friend’s Christmas function in ’96, a party he had almost missed as it was on a Saturday night and would severely disrupt his two hour weekend sojourns to the property, he was thirty six, turning thirty seven in February and had already settled the foundations. Yes he could have done a day’s work and returned to the city for the function, but knew that once he was in his haven, in the zone, he would not bother to leave. As much as it made him edgy, like a sock full of ants, he was soon delighted in his choice. He was immediately interested in her.

The actual house that inspired the story

Caught between Love and Loss  is the first novella in the book, A Refugee's Rage. It's a love story based around an actual house in New South Wales, Australia.

You can purchase the book directly through me or via Amazon etc. Both stories are very different in content and style, but there are similiar themes. 

You can read a 3rd party review here.