Mental Health Month - The Anxiety Trap

We all suffer in some form, some of the time. So perhaps you, or someone you know, may relate to these.




The Anxiety Trap
aka Locked in self

Are you having a bad day?
Did they say something?
Is it the workload?
Is it that person?

Or is it something else entirely?

I’m here if you want to talk
Or if you don’t want to talk
But need a friendly voice
Company
Shoulder.

Do you have anxiety or depression?
If so, I get it
I’m the fucking King
It’s been my constant companion
You don’t have to explain
A thing
Instead, say no-thing
You don’t have to highlight
What’s already there
I can see it
It doesn’t deserve our focus.

I’m here
You’re there
And its in the middle
Preventing one of us
From making that first move
Into the void.

It’s cold comfort
Which keeps us
At home
On the couch
Under the covers
Strengthening
Our nemesis.

Cyclical
Trap.

Kindred spirits
Locked in self.

Reaching out
Is not the first step
It’s the greatest chasm
Something they don’t understand.

We just want it to be a little easier
A little peace
In our time.



© ajl 2019



more Poetry

more Videos

At the end of the series I'll be compiling this poem and 9 others into a pdf for download, called All Empires Crumble. All are from 2019.




Mental Health Month - In the Wallows




In the Wallows


I sit
Slouching really
In the tepid gloom
Of a season in decline
An unflinching force
Towards winter
A lowly lit room
A pathetic metaphor
For my fatalistic mood
Defeated, it feels
By the everyday
The alarm chime, the routine to rise
The traffic, the commitment
The morons whose mistakes
Aim to trip us up
Our constant guard exhausting
The arsehole whose harsh words
And selfish actions
Taint our worldview
And make it all
marina by m.tau - deviant art
Unnecessarily difficult.

And now I’m aware
That I’ve gone from
I to Us
As though I’m speaking for others
Universal practices or not
Whereas
It’s just me here.

The battle is very personal
And right now
I feel I’ve lost.

That’s the true evil of depression
That the current mood
Stands for all time
The pervading, cloying doom
Eternal.

Whereas in half a day
I may have clawed my way back
As we often do
As those aforementioned tediums
Require that we must
As money is still required
To survive.

So I’ll rise once more
No doubt
But for now
I’m home
In the wallows.



ajl 2019



(I don't have any answers. All I'm saying is that sometimes it's okay to feel bad, if we are able to remind ourselves that these awful feelings will pass. Just hang on).

At the end of the series I'll be compiling this poem and 9 others into a pdf for download,
called All Empires Crumble. All are from 2019.


Previous Mental Health Month entries



Mental Health Month - Work Stress


Mental Health Month

Is your daily grind like this?



The Grind

Slave to the keyboard
Another meeting
No different to all the others
Listening to someone bitch
Having to succumb to the whims
Of a person above you
That you don’t like
Changing the diapers of a 88 year old
Answering the phone
Making the call
Sending that vital email
Reading the meter
Changing the plug
Trying to change the client's mind
Cleaning up after another's muck
You need coffee
You need lunch
You need your daily break
You need more drugs
For that reoccurring headache.

Finally that last hour comes around
You sigh as you walk out the door
And prepare
To follow other routines
All the way to bed
And back again.

This is the life
The way it must be
So we are led to believe
The reason why we've endured
Years of more routines we didn’t like
In those budding years
Youth fleeting as it is
When we should have been having more fun
And maybe learning about more important things
Like relationships
And how to get through the grind
Or come up with other alternatives
Other than Pi and formulas
and other crap
That we will never need.

Call me old fashioned
Or maybe deranged
But maybe we wouldn’t have to ‘grind’ so much
If there wasn’t this incessant rush
To a version 4.2 upgrade
Which is probably worse than the last
When the one before that was good enough.

Perhaps if the world slowed down a little
And we talked to each other
And sat back and looked at the stars
And the rocks and realized
That we stand with giants
And angels
But only
For the briefest possible moment.

Simple is the way to be
It gives us calm and poise and space
To enjoy our limited time
While we can.



copyright 2012 anthony j. langford



This series is written from the heart and personal experiences. 

Please share if you can, or comment. Alternatively email me if you want to reach out. 



Next week will be a new Poem and Video on Anxiety/Depression.

At the end of this 5 part series I'll be compiling, 4 out of 5 of them into a pdf for download, plus with an extra 6, 10 in total. It will be called All Empires Crumble. All deal with Mental Health and all are from 2019.



Two Novellas in One Book - Out Now. - Here



Mental Health Month - The Scales

Mental Health Month

This series is about my personal battles but we all suffer in some form, some of the time. So perhaps you, or someone you know, may relate to these. There will be three poem/videos on anxiety/depression. One on Work Stress and the last on the difficulties of reaching out for help.







The Scales



The Scales

Like you
thy mournia by m.tau at deviant art

(Perhaps subconsciously)
I seek that sweet spot
The pathway
Between what I deserve
What I’m owed
And what I should accept.

Between the need
To be nurtured
And to nurture another.

Between putting on a happy face
And actually feeling it.

Being outraged
And realising it’s not personal
Merely a generic trend.

To drowning genuine sorrows
And sagging in self pity.

To seeking love
Seeking companionship
Without being subservient
Or building unrealistic expectations.

Having the sense
And wisdom
To know
Where that Middle Ground
Is served best.

I fear
A perpetual reassessment
Never striking the perfect note
Hoping for a compassionate balance
More often than not.



9 p.m.
6.1.19

© ajl 2019


At the end of the series I'll be compiling this poem and 9 others into a pdf for download, called All Empires Crumble. All in the pdf are from 2019. The work stress poem is from 2012 and will not be in the download pdf.




Climate Change Warrior stars in Rally Me Ass Off


Call me The Climate Combatant 


On the way to the Protest, I knew my headache was caused from lack of caffeine, so I got a take away coffee, plus a bottle of coke and a bottle of water. It was going to be a two hour rally, so had to keep my fluids up.

Not long after I got there, and started taking heaps of photos and videos, I realised that my battery was low. I hoped it would last the day before I would have to charge it. I wanted to share my exploits on all the socials. I even considered joining up Snapchat just to get my awesome selfies out! But I didn't have the battery. Woe is me. (electricity is so expensive too huh.)



                       
They knew it, 70 years ago.
Still near....




The night before I had stayed up late making an awesome banner. There was talk of rain so I knew that paper or even cardboard was a bad idea. So I got some hard plastic from the art store, the type that real estate agents use. I didn't have any wood or nails so I got two hard plastic sticks, some super glue and Hey Presto! Awesome! My banner said,


Before cars, we had gas lamps. before that, fire. When will it end?

on the other side it read;

No Oil, except Baby Oil! Baby Oil is awesome for babies, and Nookie.


I realised the Oil one was dumb so had to glue paper over it and wrote;

There is No Planet B


but then I realised that every second person has that dumbass banner, even though I had thought of it first! So this became my Banner Plan B.

Save the Earth. There's no air on the Moon!


I wanted to say, 1 human = 354 tons of carbon a lifetime!

But then I realised there would be lots of kids and young people there who would grow up and have a few kids each, so I didn't want to offend anyone.


Sadly she went back to school the next day.
Cool chemically produced nail polish though!


After some speeches, which everyone agreed with, and some cheers and songs and a shitload of photos of each other, we all went home, luved up and happy with ourselves. There was so many people there. Maybe 30,000! There was so many that you wouldn't believe how much rubbish was left behind! Thank God we didn't have to clean that up!

I went home exhausted. Luckily I had parked my car near the train station, otherwise it would have taken me an extra hour to get home! Fuck that! I was so tired!


Make Love, Have More Carbon Producing Babies! No doubt they'll have plenty each.

I felt so proud of myself, that I ordered some booze, Home Delivery. I also ordered some Uber Eats. I even tipped the dude on the motorbike! I took my paper bag and removed the napkins, three plastic containers with a Beef Burger, (those cows fart a lot of greenhouse gases but I do love my meat!) plus Chips and Chocolate Brownie with plastic knives, fork and spoon. Yummy!

I sat down, on my admittedly burgeoning bum, in front of my 60" TV and watched a movie while my phone was charging. Later, I hit those socials like you wouldn't believe. I got soooo many Likes! Wow!

Bloody Government. The Kids coud run it beter.

They especially loved their Mother when the family flew to the Bahamas on holidays!
Love the makeup too! I wonder what chemicals were used so they could look good?


Tomorrow I'm driving to the Mall for lunch with a friend and later a coffee with my sister and her four kids. I'll probably shout them milkshakes again. They love chewing on the straws, the little urchins. Maybe in-between I'll do some shopping. Don't wanna spend too much but I do need new jeans and shoes. Those ones from China are pretty cheap. Maybe even a shirt from Bangladesh. Sometimes you gotta treat yourself too. I deserve it!

China may be one of the most polluted places on earth, but hell, their jeans are cheap!

I know hypocrisy's bad, but after a protest, I sure feel good!


They even made a movie about it! It must be real!


I'm not a Climate Change Denier. I care about the environment as much as anyone. I'm simply saying we're all part of the problem. If you're going to protest, be more specific. Generic rallies are useless. Protest outside the Chinese embassy. They're the worst polluters on earth and they're doing nothing. Protest outside the headquarters of plastic companies like BASF. And fossil fuel giants like Exxon. Also take responsibility for your own carbon footprint. Get up an hour earlier and walk to school/work. Don't drive. Don't fly. Give up meat. Shop at fruit and veg. markets and not plastic laden supermarkets. Give up the phone. And the TV. Don't use the damn dishwasher or washing machine. (I haven't used either for 4 years). Reduce the amount of electricity you use. Plant your own trees. Grow your own plants and vegetables. Pick up rubbish along a waterway, or a nature reserve. Don't use chemicals, such as shampoo, perfume, make-up, toilet spray etc etc. And saying that the world is going to end by 2050 is just scaring the kiddies. If you really care that much, then don't breed!

'I promise I will never breed.' 






More Satire
yep, it's just satire.

Save your battery and read my new book - all Proceeds to Asylum Seeker Resource Center. Now that's some real action!





When she met him he already had cancer.


Caught... between Love and Loss


The actual location. The view from the back of 'Richard's' property.


Page One

        When she met him he already had cancer. He refused to call it by its medical name, a not so rare, but still less common form of lymphoma. It was instead, the little slippery bastard that had been sent to test his will, just as he had begun building the house. She knew all about his dream project, but not his illness. This was due to his dogged character. His certainty that he could beat it on his own, would do, and that it would not interfere in his life. He also didn’t want to scare her off, given that they’d only just begun dating. At twenty seven, she was alluring, audacious and intelligent and with an appreciation for country life, rare qualities in a city raised career girl. She seemed to share his exuberance for the mini homestead, the planned two bedroom wooden cottage which was to be made from recycled and natural materials. There would be an extensive garden out back to draw the eyes up to the mountain, as the town locals called it, though it was more a rocky outcrop atop a large, steep hill, nevertheless, covered with native trees and preserved by council despite many capacious offers to acquire the land for private development.

Richard had been fortunate to purchase the land, as a deceased estate in mid ’94 for an equitable price. The existing building was way beyond repair, it needed demolishing and the land clearing and this he had done on his own, slowly over twelve months as he simultaneously gathered the components required for the enterprise ahead. He discovered that some of the beams could be put to good use, as well as two bedroom doors, a kitchen cupboard, a gramophone box, sans the gramophone and the bath.

By the time had met Rachel at a friend’s Christmas function in ’96, a party he had almost missed as it was on a Saturday night and would severely disrupt his two hour weekend sojourns to the property, he was thirty six, turning thirty seven in February and had already settled the foundations. Yes he could have done a day’s work and returned to the city for the function, but knew that once he was in his haven, in the zone, he would not bother to leave. As much as it made him edgy, like a sock full of ants, he was soon delighted in his choice. He was immediately interested in her.



The actual house that inspired the story


Caught between Love and Loss  is the first novella in the book, A Refugee's Rage. It's a love story based around an actual house in New South Wales, Australia.

You can purchase the book directly through me or via Amazon etc. Both stories are very different in content and style, but there are similiar themes. 
You can read a 3rd party review here.