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2018 Best New Talent - Short and Sweet Festival Sydney
2014 Pushcart Prize nominee. (more)

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A very 'Unromantic' Couple Video; The push pull shuffle.

 

They were young and in love. But what happened with their miscommunication?

The Push and Pull of Life.

In this scenario, it's a couple in the midst of separation.




Listen to the dance of youthful folly in this short video HERE

How does that resonate with you? Have a similar experience? Aren't we all involved in this misunderstood dance, especially online?

More Videos

More Poetry


Try something different with some Satire or Short Stories


Free Downloads, Short Films, Books and more at ... 

A.J. Langford Books


My last book (2022) and perhaps my last. 
Stories and poems on connection, many based on real people and events.


Until next time,

I hope you're well or at least, still getting through life. Sometimes just getting through the day is hard enough. 

Peace ☮🙏

Anthony



Suicide. Some thoughts refuse to die. (Pun not intended)


World Suicide Prevention Day.




Co-incidentally, I wrote this almost on the day itself, one year ago. 



Closure

 

I want to save you

The time

And myself

Of the pitying parlay

And there’s no escaping it

In any regard

Though there’s a temptation

To just get it done.

 

 

12.40 am

21.9.23

 

A year old. No, not a healthy mindset. Yet, one that continuously rears it's ugly face and says, I ain't goin' nowhere. It's been pretty quiet at times down through the years, but it's always been there. Since teenage days. 

Ink drawing by Thomas Nast, late 19th century.


Is it better to stay quiet or give voice to it?


I wrestle. I conquer. It inevitably returns. Creative expression helps?
Written a year ago. I'd happily go back to that feeling compared where I am now. To go into detail would be boring. 

It is self pitying but I'm desperate really. I'm simply being honest with where I'm at.  Sorry but not sorry. Depression (and in my case, severe anxiety as well) likes to have no company. It likes to stay silent. It likes to retreat. It's no fun place to be and I'd rather not be here. I'm fighting though. And I am trying to talk about it. I'm not giving up. But when the fight is within your own mind it's very tough to develop resilience. This is when others come in to help the person through, or in too many cases, doesn't come in and helps create an environment where suicide happens.

Over to you.




More Poetry



Until next time,

Anthony




I'm right. And they're wrong.

 

I'm so right.


Democrats - Republicans.

Labour - Liberals.

Russia - Ukraine.

China - Taiwan.

Israel - Palestine.


That 'modern' term, division or conflictwill never end. No one individual or group is responsible for it. If we look within, we see our own contradictory natures. As Bruce Hornsby sung, 'That's just the way it is. Something's will never change.'


I'm right and they're wrong and that's all there is to it.

Summed up in this little video I put together. Resonate for you?





Watch on YouTube HERE.

More Videos


Hope you have a good week.

Until next time, 

Anthony





Making mistakes plus new 'Photo'


Hi,

Here's a new, high quality AI image below I 'created' which represents me as a melancholic, middle aged writer. Impressive technology.


But firstly, how do you view your mistakes? Some refuse to acknowledge that they make any at all.

Here's a little insight into mine. 




Mistakes

 

Like it might be for you

I am more a product

Of my mistakes

Rather than successes

As one far outweighs the other

Causing emotional pain

And therefore self-reflection

So, we can alter our attitudes

To avoid that hurt again

Until the next disappointment.

 

Success usually prompts a repeat

(It must be a ‘recipe’ after all)

Though rarely do all the pieces

Remain static.

 

Perhaps I’m being presumptuous

In speaking for you

Or anyone else

When I can barely work it out myself.

 

All I know

Is that I don’t really know

Or I’d get the balance right

Every time.

 

I simply know to expect

The unknown

As even mistakes

Aren’t always known

Until afterwards.

 

They’re simply

Plans of action

Sprinkled (or soaked) with hope

With the outcome

Out of our control

Left to the stars

And the realm of the gods.

 

 

13.10.22

5.50 pm

Just prior to the release of my book, Us & Them. (Not in the book). 


 

  







She delivered my father, a premonition

 

Hi,

This is a true story, from the early 80's. In poetry format.


AI generated



(waves finger) Mark my words.

 

I did not have to try

To not listen to my teachers

They never said anything that interested me

The only words I can remember

Is that ‘if you keep this up

You’ll never amount to a thing.’

 

Maybe she was right

Poets and writers don’t earn much

If that’s what she meant

And I’m certain she relished her own words

As she told my parents the same thing

In the early days of parent/teachers interviews

When my folks actively participated

In these ego crunching affairs

When there was still a little hope for me.

 

Exactly a decade later

After I had left school without completion

Securing that teacher’s prediction

(and I’m sure I was not the only one)

My father ran into this same woman

Who gleefully asked him

With wetness inducing anticipation

What had become of his son.

 

‘Oh, he’s managing an upmarket restaurant/cocktail bar 

In one of the most

Prestigious suburbs of London.’

 

Her chin dropped to her knees

And her crotch hit the pavement

Splat.


And least that’s how I like to think of it

The rest is bona fide solid

Unlike her theory.

 

 2013

A.J. Langford Books




Until next time,

Peace

Anthony



Mental Marathon and Fatigue - (No, not an Olympics post).


Hi,

Do you have... 

Compassion fatigue?


dark-art-mental-illness Art by Rivka Korf


If you have compassion fatigue or 'mental health' burnout then maybe skip this. I get sick of my own voice on the subject at times. And there's so much talk about it now. Which is good though there's varying degrees of its intensity. Some suffer more than others. Some are more vocal. Some just want attention. Some think they have problems that are actually fairly light on. Some suffer in silence. Some forge through. Others don't make it. One thing's inescapable though, no one gets a bypass. 

This was written in March of this year, 2024.



Marathon

 

I’m keen to ‘let it go’

Though keener

To have it set me free.

 

One feeds the other

The Black Dog

Chases its tail

Or in my case

Runs from it.

 

I can laugh too

At that image

It’s as silly as it sounds

In the same way

That its heartbreakingly pointless.

 

I’ll take more suggestions

And practice them

As desperation initiates action

Though I’ve heard them all.


Thirty years

Delivers a lot of alternatives

Some of which clearly works

Or I wouldn’t be writing this

At 56.

 

It’s simply stopped working

The options have dried up

And that circular chase

Is more exhausting than ever.

 

Only so many sinews

In these old legs.

 

 

25.3.24

5.10 pm

 

It's almost a cliche. But I am very worn out. This year... so exhausting. Five months on, it is worse. I had some sort of breakdown in May/June and I'm still struggling to get back to my normal. Which wasn't fun to begin with but it's preferable to where I'm at. (Anti-depressant issues are a big player. They've screwed me up. Story here).

Sorry to be such a bore. Writing itself feels helpful. And these posts, as brief as they are. I write down something to be grateful for every day. There's always something, even if minor in the scheme of things. We all push on as long as we can. 



More Poetry


Here's something nice to end on. 
Hope you're doing reasonably well, if not great!







nb; just as I was finishing this post, it rained. I stood outside. It was beautiful.

Peace and love to you
Anthony




Are you the most important person in the room? Sink or Swim - A Video

 

Are you the most important person in the room?

Hey,

'Sink or Swim' is a short video I put together. I would really appreciate your view. 

'Adulthood pulled us in different directions...'


ngetzky.deviantart.com





Watch on YouTube  Here


More Videos






Until next time,

Peace
Anthony






A.J. Langford Books





You can't escape yourself but sometimes...

 

The Ultimate Escape


trapped in your head by elmuerteunicorn74-dab3qkc at deviantart



I'm my own worst enemy. Most of my (life-long) issues are between my ears. Anxiety depression etc. 

When I wrote this four months ago, I was frustrated by it and came up with a type of solution.



Oh for God's Sake

 

It’s reached this point

As all drastic solutions do

Through a process

Of time funnelling

That realisation strikes

That the only true escape

Can be made possible

By ghosting myself.

 

I’ll shut myself

Down and out

Refuse to respond

Accept the inevitable

Acceleration

Borne of desperation

While burrowing into that hole

Head down

Arse up

Refuting acknowledgement

No matter

How hard the pounding.

 

Surely

I’ll get the hint eventually.

 

25.3.24

5.45 pm

(I was to get far worse over the following 3 months).


 


How nice it would be to be able to ghost yourself!

I think I am actually a good man. People tell me that a lot. I'm the one who struggles being within this frame.

'Caged without Walls' is a metaphor for not being able to escape yourself. It's the title of my 2013 poetry collection. The line comes from a poem in the book, I can't recall which. (Now 40% off).


This year, 2024 has been one of the worst for it. I had a difficult break-up with my girlfriend. I acknowledge much of it was my own reactions and fears. What actually matters is that my daughter is okay. My work is okay. I'm paying my bills and surviving, unlike many. My life is actually okay. But if your head isn't well, then it's a potential nightmare.

Indeed some people don't survive it at all. I hit a very low point this year. The lowest of my life. I was lucky to get out of it. I'm still struggling but working hard on getting better. I have a long ways to go for sure.



Ghosting


Do you have practices to improve your moods? Can you identify with wanting to escape, not just a situation but yourself? I'd love to hear your experience. And maybe learn from you. Despite everything I've read and heard over 'self-care' etc, I still need to hear it. And everyone's experience is not the same. 



More Poetry


A.J. Langford Books



I hope you have some peace in your life. It may be the most precious thing of all.

Until next time,

Anthony.