I saw things I did not want to see

 

I worked part-time in a Nursing Home for five years. This after working in the media for thirty. Needless to say it was a massive eye opener.

I wrote this one day around 2016.

There are things, worse than death

 

I contemplate my death

One more time

Too many, to be natural

As the sun dies

And the birds retire

And my gut aches again

Something I’m not sure of

And I know something gets us all

But I hope it’s not that.

A sudden head slump

Heart attack please

No extras

Just make it quick.

 

Ah I’m sorry sir

But that’s our most requested

And there’s no guarantee of delivery

 

I’ll have it sooner

Rather than later, I say.

 

I don’t mind the rush

As long as I don’t end up

With a P.O.W. type frame

Shitting my medically

Administered lunch

As that seems to be against nature

An aberration

And no one wants to go out

As a ‘freak’ of nature

A display too terrible

To lay eyes upon.

 

If we knew

How’d it be

We’d take matter into our own hands

While we still had the power to use them.

 

Instead, we take the gamble

And watch the lights dim

Hoping the night doesn’t deliver

A nightmare

Too terrible to be real.

 

From a Natural News article about Norwegian Homes, 2017

Clearly not everyone ends up in a Home and not all of them are like this. The point being, if you knew that you would end up this way, you'd take matters into your own hands.

Ironically, both of my Grandmother's ended up in Nursing Homes (last resort of course), and both died within two weeks. Neither wanted to be there. The mind is powerful. You can will yourself to die. I said this when my Grandmother went in this year, as she had stated she'd had enough. She died a week later. I also witnessed it multiple times in my work. 

Both of my Grandfathers did not end up in homes. Both also died quite suddenly, albeit thirty years apart. 

I'm sure you've got your own personal story. Please feel free to share if you wish. 

Peace

(And love to my dear Grandparents, Vinnie and Carmel, Stan and Nell. All beautiful, strong people).

A.J. Langford Books

Hard done by? It's your Story - A Video

 

Did you try and fail? 

Your story is not their story. 

Video below or read the text if you prefer. 

Watch HERE

Your story is not their story

 

The seed was not sewn

Incorrect metaphor

It was commitment

A full plunge

All or nothing

Isn’t that what we were taught?

With such investment

It was bound to pay off.

 

And there was indeed

A return

A trickle feed

Snowball effect

Yet too slow

For sustenance.

 

The only option

Was to fold up

Close down

And move on

Against your deepest need

As you are not one of those

Who can afford

To keep it burning.

 

You feel as though

The world cheated you

Hard done by

And you suffer

Yet if you do the math

The odds (and evens) equate

This is how it is

For most

Yet your trembling pain remains

Exquisite and sensitive

And you’re loathed

To try again.

Words 2013.  Video 2024

I enjoyed making this video. I think it turned out well. 

I'm a misery guts haha.

I think I was inspired by my own struggles as a writer to 'make it' in a world where I believed talent alone would be enough to get you noticed. I discovered that it was much more about networking; a large profile, the right 'identity', among other factors. 

I did have some successes. A lot of my poems and some stories were published in magazines and online. I pushed on after this poem (2013), but never 'made it' per se but I'm still proud of the work I created. I received great responses from those who have read my work. That's good enough.

Anyway, I saw how many were trying to get in and how many actually did. Same with many industries, particularly the creative fields. So little room. The vast majority won't have the successes they dreamed of. They won't even get a look in. So that's what this poem is all about. The invisible ones who don't get there, no matter what area of life. Even love.

Let me know your thoughts. Until next time,

Peace

Anthony

A.J. Langford Books

More Videos

Young, with much to learn. The hard way

 

Young, staring down the barrel

 

I trusted him

And that was a big mistake.

 

I believed her

Every heart felt word

While she kissed me back

Before trashing

The love I exposed.

 

I never believed

That fate

Wasn’t mine

To control.

 

Now I know better

At such cost

That I resolve never

To feel that pain again.

 

And end up

Shutting out

All the goodness

Open to me.

 

Such is the price

Of knowledge

Of the ways of people

And the life

We must endure.

 

That pain is inevitable

And that it is happiness

That readily eludes us.

 

The only real option

Is to dive in

Or crawl dry

And risk free

Through a life

Devoid of opportunity

Where euphoria

Knows your name

Never.

 

22.1.24            10.40 pm

 

Source: nuisms.com/images/life-is-risk

What are your thoughts on love?
And for that matter, on happiness in general? And risk. And depression. And one's 'default state' as it were. Sum it up your own way. Just share your thoughts. 

Love to hear your view.

Peace

Anthony

Ignorance is King (and Queen)

 Ignorance Rules

I wanted to be on the Winning Side. I joined the throng. 

The ignorant are happier, aren't they?

Watch my short Video on the subject HERE

Or stay ignorant. 

Watch on YouTube

Please share your thoughts on the post or via email or on YouTube. Make your opinion count!

More Video Poems

Explore more Videos, Free Downloads, Books and more on my official website A.J. Langford Books

My last two books - Both 2022

My first poetry collection - 2013

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading and hopefully watching. I do appreciate it. These little posts keep me going. And I do really hope that you get something out of it. 

Until next time,

Peace and love

Anthony

Drought Breaker! - NEW Desalinating semen plant (Gross out warning).

 

The controversial new Drought Breaker 

This story first appeared in the Daily Standard on December 13, 2019. 

 

In what could be a world first, scientists have succeeded in desalinating sperm into perfectly healthy drinking water.  

‘We know it’s a difficult concept to swallow, but the idea of drinking sea water was also considered repulsive by some. It’s not so far removed from that.’ 

In fact, a similar chemical process is used to break down tadpoles into its most basic form. Zinc components remain intact so it’s actually more healthy than water.  

When we asked whether people will refuse to drink it, the spokesperson for the revolutionary Purify or Die Project said, ‘I suggest people just put their ideology to one side and give it a go. It really is completely safe. Just close your eyes and swallow!’ 

Unprocessed water

This new company will at first truck their tankers to rural areas to test it in the wild, so to speak.  

‘It’s an actual fertiliser,’ the scientist said. ‘If people don’t wish to drink it, then it’s great for crops. It’s a veritable magic bean. Stuff shoots up all over the place. Animals love it too. They genuinely prefer it to water. They’re crying out for the stuff.’ 

Naturally some people joke that it can make you pregnant. ‘Rest assured, no one ever got pregnant from swallowing semen, so the same applies here. Add ice, alcohol and fruit and you’ve got a mojito, with an extra bang for your buck.’ 

Men wishing to make a donation are encouraged to line up at one of the company’s new milking stations. See the company website for locations. ‘They’re popping up everywhere. We hope to have one in every suburb by 2028. You won’t be able to keep us down!’ 

Very popular in China

Leave that tap alone and give it a go. You don’t know it until you try it. As stated on the company website, ‘You’ll be grinning, licking your lips and groaning with satisfaction!’ 

Rival companies are reported to be in throes of erupting onto the scene. Some entrepreneurial types are also cashing in on this new phenomenon. Mini Milk Bars are now opening, in the style of 1950’s Milkshake Diners with modern names such as Pump Up The Jam, Jizz Whizz, Blow and Go Joes, Sippy Cup Spunk, Willy Water, Teste Times and The Funky Fluid Factory.  

Just don’t hold your glass up to the light. It’s better not to know.  

More Satire Bytes.

I came across this piece (excuse the pun), just this week, having no idea what it was. I had forgotten I even wrote it. Given my lack of writing at the moment and in need of a laugh I thought, what the hell, I'll share it anyway. I was probably concerned it was too much and it is haha but it is quite creative. Bizarre perhaps. Certainly gross but creative!

It follows me around like a shadow. Does it follow you?

 

Edvard Munch - Melancholy (1894)

Like you, I have my good days and bad. Melancholy and anxiety has followed me around all my life, and sometimes I stop to document it. It's a form of therapy. 

I do think it's getting harder to deal with. The last twelve months have been pretty serious. (Certain thoughts). I haven't written for months now. The struggle is very real. It's daily. I am grateful however, for my good physical health and that I'm still here. And that there are those who care about me. Some have no one. I don't know how they keep going. 

This was written four and a half years ago.

Anchored

 

I scratch at the air

Which chokes me

Tar like shadows

Heaving at my legs

And I’m sinking

Ever sinking

The surface

No longer a memory

Merely an idea

Out of reach.

 

A heaving, cloying pit

With no end

No solace

Only the deep rejection

and ill formed assumptions

Like death

A new but darkened existence.

Perhaps I died already

And remain slowly dragging

Through self-aware muck

To catch up.

 

2020

I've actually done well to have stuck it out for so long. 

Have you had long periods of depression or anxiety? Are you in a better place now? How did you get through it? I've done so much reading, watching and speaking to mental health people, but I'm still battling so I'm always open to listen. 

A.J. Langford Books

More Poems

The Night We Should Have Died - A True Story

 

We Should Have Died

I was 17. And about to go through an experience I'd never forget, nor wish to relive.

This audio/visual story is taken from the book Us and Them and the things in-between and is 100% true. It was written some years ago, and was dusted off for the 2022 book. It happened in the 80's.

You Watch or simply Listen on YouTube HERE. 

'Andrew' (not his real name), tragically took his own life five years later. It was a drunken act in the spur of the moment. I never believed that he meant to. I saw 'Lenny' quite a lot over the next couple of years and a few times over the next ten, then we also drifted apart. I know nothing of his or 'Bruce's' life. Darren and I are still in contact.

I'd really love to hear your thoughts. Have you been through a similar life changing incident?

Representative only. Not a photo from the event

More Audio Stories

A.J. Langford Books

Until next time,

Peace

Anthony