The Best Worst Christmas Movie of All Time!

 

So Terrible it's utter genius.

Best Xmas movie ever!

You'll be laughing too, except at them, not with.
(That's Pia Zadora in the middle)

Even the blockhead Droppo can't beleive how bad the script is.
(Ironically, one of the few actors to actually go on and have a career). 

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. 1964

(Also known as Santa Claus Versus the Martians)

I've watched it every year (at least once) for twenty years straight. Absolutely hilarious! Always finding something new to laugh at. A classic!

'Oh me, on my!' Mrs Claus and the elves are 'frozen'
by the Martians, just before Santa is kidnapped.
The performance by Mrs Claus alone is worth watching. Her laughter is insane!

The children of Mars are without humour or fun, programmed with too much tech (a premonition for today), and so a group of Martians decided to set off for Earth to kidnap Santa to bring some joy back home.

It is a kid's film so some of it is supposed to be funny but it's funny in all the wrong places. The humour is so terrible that it has to be seen to be beleived. Some terrible one liners. Shocking acting. Terrible sets and action (the polar bear and Robot are particularly bad), but the whole thing just has so many terrible moments that it's actually extremely entertaining. If you can laugh your way through a film, it's worth every second.

Torg, the scariest man in a cardboard box Robot ever depicted on screen!

It's a staple film in our household and has been played every Christmas since first 'discovering' it on SBS around 2005. So that means I've seen it at least twenty times as some years we played it twice! I swear every time I watch it, I discover some other hilarious moment.

Short YouTube Trailer

Frighteningly realistic North Pole set, along with a frighteningly realistic robot!

Do yourself a favour and make it a must watch. It's only 80 mins and is seriously some of the best entertainment you'll ever see. It's harmless of course so you can't hate on it but instead, find it endearing in its own unique, terrible way.

Ah, they'll never find us in the Radar Box!

Worth noting it stars a young Pia Zadora who, twenty years later would be starring in some fairly bad risque films, like Butterfly (1981) and The Lonely Lady (1983) thanks to her rich husband who funded the films. Unlike her clothes in these films, her career never took off.

The entire film was shot in just 4 days at Michael Myerberg Studios, a converted aircraft hangar at Roosevelt Field in Long Island, New York. It's now a shopping mall. Explains some of the terrible staging. 4 days is actually quite remarkable! 

End Credits Theme Song, 
Also a Classic!
Look at those inventive lyrics!

Watch Santa & the Martians for FREE on YOUTUBE

It has a huge cult following.

You'll be in too, once you watch it!

"I'll blow-wave you to death, Santy!"
Zoldar, the funniest villian ever.

1956 - 1994 Classic 'Genre' Films song (mostly 70's, 80's)

 

1956 - 1993 Classic Films edited to classic song

Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb

(Most are 70's/80s)

Can you pick the movie? All edited to the music. Most are from the 70's and 80's. I made this back in the mid 90's, sourcing the material from VHS, being the only format available then. I meant to upgrade all the vision to better quality but never did so just going to release it as is. I was really happy with how it turned out.

Perhaps the crappy quality will instead place it into the time it was made, roughly '94. They were all my favourite films to that point. Mostly genre pieces. Most are still in my Top 10.

A Clockwork Orange

The Thing

Aliens

Star Wars (As you can see the timecode stamps on Jurassic Park, the film had not yet been released on VHS but as I worked for a small production company/dubbing house, we had the Marketing Material for the movie to be distributed to TV stations and this was on it).

Watch above or HERE

(If you have trouble watching, please let me know).

     

Have any to add from that period? 

Was there any in there that you didn't recognise?

This was edited from VHS to a 3/4 Inch tape. It was not frame accurate. Very clunky. So the fact that it turned out as well as it did was a great joy to me. I love the final result. 

I hope youre doing okay. Actually I hope youre doing fucking fantastically! Okay is good, but good is better. 

A.J. Langford Books

Until next time,

Peace and good vibes to you my friend.

Anthony

D u n k i r k - Reality vs Film

Reality

The Fall of France lasted for six weeks from 10 May 1940

Port of Dunkirk before the Battle - May 1940

The Battle of Dunkirk - 26 May – 4 June 1940

Embed from Getty Images

French Refugees

Winston Churchill had only been British Prime Minister for 16 days at the time of this event.

Casualties and losses
British 68,111 killed, wounded or captured (~3,500 killed) 63,879 vehicles including tanks and motorcycles 2,472 field guns 6 destroyers over 200 marine vessels over 100 aircraft[5][6] French 18 000 killed 35,000 captured 3 destroyers[7][8][9]	(Estimated) German  20,000 killed and wounded 100 tanks 156 aircraft[10]
Civilian casualties: 1,000 civilians killed during air raids

                               (source: Wikipedia)

Date	Evacuated from beaches	Evacuated Dunkirk Harbour	Total

27 May	–	7,669	7,669

28 May	5,390	11,874	17,804

29 May	13,752	33,558	47,310

30 May	29,512	24,311	53,823

31 May	22,942	45,072	68,014

1 June	17,348	47,081	64,429

2 June	6,695	19,561	26,256

3 June	1,870	24,876	26,746

4 June	622	25,553	26,175

Totals    98,671                 239,555          338,226

source: (Knickerbocker, H.R. (1941). Is Tomorrow Hitler's? 200 Questions On the Battle of Mankind. New York: Reynal & Hitchcock. OCLC 1246282.

                               

2017 Film

                                            *No Spoilers

After first-hand accounts of the Dunkirk evacuation revealed to Christopher Nolan how young and inexperienced the soldiers were, he decided to cast young and unknown actors for the beach setting.

The movie used over 50 boats on the sea. The most that's ever been put on film.

In creating of this film, director Christopher Nolan focused on the "real" of every aspect: putting an IMAX camera on the cockpit and wing of an actual Spitfire plane, floating cameramen around in the water with actors.

Director Christopher Nolan actually rode in the Spitfire shown in the movie in order to get a sense of the aerial feel of the fighter plane; with the purpose being to help him shoot and provide an authentically realistic experience of the dogfights for the audience.

In regards to the Battle of Dunkirk's importance, Christopher Nolan stated: "This is an essential moment in the history of the Second World War. If this evacuation had not been a success, Great Britain would have been obliged to capitulate. And the whole world would have been lost, or would have known a different fate: the Germans would undoubtedly have conquered Europe, the US would not have returned to war. It is a true point of rupture in war and in history of the world. A decisive moment. And the success of the evacuation allowed Churchill to impose the idea of a moral victory, which allowed him to galvanize his troops like civilians and to impose a spirit of resistance while the logic of this sequence should have been that of surrender. Militarily it is a defeat; on the human plane it is a colossal victory."

Do yourself the old favour.

An absolutely exceptional piece of film-making. 

More of an experience than a movie.

Dunkirk is literally flawless. It's tense throughout from the first second. No schmaltz. No traditional narrative.

No heroes. No villains. Merely human beings caught up in horrendous circumstances. 

I suggest you see it on the big screen, or on BluRay on the biggest screen possible. 

For further reading, look up Hitler's Halt Order. 

My Books