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| Debut Novel - Bold Literary fiction |
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| Debut novella |
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| Second Novel. Highly controversial. Obviously 😉 |
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| Stories and Poems on Connection, many based on real people and events. |
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| Poetry collection on love, loss and relationships |
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| Debut Story Collection |
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| Debut Poetry Collection |
The Ultimate Escape
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| trapped in your head by elmuerteunicorn74-dab3qkc at deviantart |
I'm my own worst enemy. Most of my (life-long) issues are between my ears. Anxiety depression etc.
When I wrote this four months ago, I was frustrated by it and came up with a type of solution.
Oh for God's Sake
It’s reached this point
As all drastic solutions do
Through a process
Of time funnelling
That realisation strikes
That the only true escape
Can be made possible
By ghosting myself.
I’ll shut myself
Down and out
Refuse to respond
Accept the inevitable
Acceleration
Borne of desperation
While burrowing into that hole
Head down
Arse up
Refuting acknowledgement
No matter
How hard the pounding.
Surely
I’ll get the hint eventually.
25.3.24
5.45 pm
(I was to get far worse over the following 3 months).
How nice it would be to be able to ghost yourself!
I think I am actually a good man. People tell me that a lot. I'm the one who struggles being within this frame.
'Caged without Walls' is a metaphor for not being able to escape yourself. It's the title of my 2013 poetry collection. The line comes from a poem in the book, I can't recall which. (Now 40% off).
This year, 2024 has been one of the worst for it. I had a difficult break-up with my girlfriend. I acknowledge much of it was my own reactions and fears. What actually matters is that my daughter is okay. My work is okay. I'm paying my bills and surviving, unlike many. My life is actually okay. But if your head isn't well, then it's a potential nightmare.
Indeed some people don't survive it at all. I hit a very low point this year. The lowest of my life. I was lucky to get out of it. I'm still struggling but working hard on getting better. I have a long ways to go for sure.
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| Ghosting |
Do you have practices to improve your moods? Can you identify with wanting to escape, not just a situation but yourself? I'd love to hear your experience. And maybe learn from you. Despite everything I've read and heard over 'self-care' etc, I still need to hear it. And everyone's experience is not the same.
More Poetry
I hope you have some peace in your life. It may be the most precious thing of all.
Until next time,
Anthony.
This was written in 2010 before I had any books published. Did I stick to my guns?
I do not aspire to be
the next Bruce Courtney. I do not aspire to be the next Di Morrissey. I do not
aspire to be like Matthew Reilly. I don't aspire to be the next Dan Brown. Or
Stephen King (even though I like his early books). Or Stephanie Myer, (God
Forbid) or any other mainstream populist novelist.
They are the
entertainers of their day and that is their right. They are the circus come to
town. They are clowns in paint and frivolity. The court jesters in rhyme and
folly.
But they will not be
worth a word beyond their time. Their work will be forgotten as quickly as it
was consumed. The McDonalds of Publishing.
I aspire to create
something that is worthwhile, that I can be proud of. That perhaps can be
admired by a few, and that's all I'm after, as long as it has some merit. Who
wants to leave this world knowing what they did and left behind was disposable,
as disposable as the day they created it?
Gone. Forgotten.
Yesterday's story.
It's like an architect
who wants their work to be respected in decades hence, rather than a kit home
than will only suffice. For Now.
Sure we might need
them. The masses have to be entertained somehow. But just don't justify it to
me. Don't tell me your worth more than the literary sect, because you sell the
most. Or that they really want to be like you, but can't do it. You're totally
misguided. You're only kidding yourselves. Bubble gum. Burger. Coke. Takeaway
coffee. Daily newspaper.
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| Circa 2009 |
History has taught us
that these mainstream diatribes do not survive. I'll take my chances. For I
must be able to hold my head high, that I wrote to satisfy art, and to satisfy
myself, than to satisfy the masses. I cannot think of a crime more heinous, than
a person with artistic qualities, however minute, who shelved them in pursuit
of something far more shallow. That is a crime that one cannot return from.
I'd rather die in
obscurity that aim for the so called Bestseller List. I will never be there.
I'll make sure of it. If by some absurd situation, I do, then I have failed.
12/5/2010
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| Pen is mightier ... Around 2010 |
Bit harsh on Stephen King. I love his books. He'll be remembered for a long time.
I certainly had a lot of confidence then, even arrogance perhaps. Maybe that's what was required in order to get to the point where books could be written and published. It took a lot of drive and work.
Since then I have had nine books published, from 2012 - 2022. If you've read any of them, maybe you will know if I stuck to the ideals of that idealistic, determined writer. Did I?
Bottomless River - Novella
Caged Without Walls - Poetry Collection
For your pleasure - Poems and art coffee table book (collaboration with Paolo Rassu)
Pseudo Stars - Story Collection
Allowing a love to die is not murder - Poetry Collection (on relationships)
A Refugee's Rage - Novella
Lone Wolf World - Novel
Perve - Novel
Us & Them and the things in-between - Story/Poetry Collection
(This post, July 2024).
Questions for now;
Have I lost my drive? Yes. Much of it is due to anti-depressant withdrawal. My story here. It's robbed me of my confidence.
Will I ever write another book? I don't know. Not in the near future.
Do I have books ready to be published? Yes
Will I publish them? I don't know. Maybe one or two but not all.
Does anyone care? Probably not haha.
If you have read any though, I would be interested in your opinion.
My Books HERE
or try these Amazon Author links.
Until next time,
Peace
Anthony
Life is hard but sometimes the toughest battle is that within.
We're stuck in our own heads, like being caged without walls.
This video is a poem I wrote about anxiety, written during a bad (yet endless) stretch.
Please watch Crackle HERE
Words 2020 / Video 2022
Yes, Caged without Walls is the name of my first poetry collection, published 2013. Many detail my own struggles and the struggles of others. So this is nothing new for me but now is an especially hard time.
More Videos on My YouTube Channel
Hope you're faring okay. If not, loving life!
Peace
Anthony
These make for a unique gift and can be signed/inscribed any way wish.
All books are on sale.
There's something for anyone over 16, Us & Them and the things in-between or one of the most controversial novels you'll ever read in Perve (18+), or a cutting edge quasi satire/thriller in Lone Wolf World. (Dubbed the Australian Catcher in the Rye).
30 Sec Trailer HERE
PLUS Story collections. Poetry collections. Novellas. Almost all are based on real events and people. All characters act with a realistic manner. They're written from a philosophical and psychological approach, not a fabricated plot driven one.
More info on each book at A.J. Langford Books
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| Art / Poetry Collaboration |
My Books HERE
or Try these Amazon links in Australia
Or Amazon in your local country
I can organise deals and inscriptions in the books. Visit;
Peace
Hi,
Hope you're doing well.
If you feel inclined, any sharing would be really great. At least a view and a like. It all helps. Thank you.
Peace
Hi,
How are you doing?
I was very keen for the release of my debut poetry collection Caged Without Walls in 2013 and made a few trailers, trying to get the right mix.
Here are a couple of early, very different trailers that have never been seen publicly until now. As it's the 10th Anniversary I thought I'd share them with you.
If interested, here's the final version that was used in 2013.
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| Unused 'author' photo - 2012 |
Please share. Word of mouth is everything.
Have a good week. Take care of yourself.
Peace
Anthony
It's the 10th Anniversary of my debut poetry collection
The title is an analysis of what it means to live with depression and anxiety.
Some of the content is about my own struggles but many of the others are based on many other experiences and observations. My poetry is accessible. They're like little stories.
It's not as depressing as it sounds and it's dirt cheap on my website now. $12.95 (selling it as a loss).
Watch the original 2013 Trailer HERE
It was my second book, after Bottomless River, also published through Ginninderra Press. I had a book launch. It was all exciting at the time and I thought for sure it would lead to having my novels picked up by a major publisher. Sadly, it did not happen. It's more about actual connections. Emails get you nowhere. Still, the book exists and for that I'm grateful.
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| Great cover art by Joanna Gambotto (who is now a well known, celebrated artist). |
https://joannagambotto.com.au/
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| At the launch in Erskinville. |
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| 2nd from end - At Gleebooks - Oct. 2013 |
I am proud of Caged Without Walls. You can pick it up for a bargain ($12.95 au) at A.J. Langford Books.
