Nice to see you.




I'm not one of these conservative writers who learnt their trade at university.
Most of my work is gritty and raw and comes from experience.
I could tell you some stories! Then again, it's better if you check out the work.

My best work is yet to be published. Holding out for the traditional path. Foolish?

2014 Pushcart Prize nominee. (more)
Contact: anthonyjlangford2@yahoo.com.au

Holiday sensations











Languid Lisbon

A night breeze of moderation
To replenish exertion
Lost to the day
A welcoming spirit to the air
Bringing a smile to the shopkeepers
A spring in the steps
Of the spruikers
And friends in transit
A mild rekindling
To old flames
And a need in the children
To have their voices heard
As they dominate the winding
Cobbled streets
With impromptu soccer.

Aromas too mixed to quantify
Enough to send vegetarians indoors
The rev of motorbikes
Floating bluish residue
The occasional motorist frustrated
Most noticeably tolerant
And laughter more prosperous
Moods perhaps tempered
By the summer like
Early autumn evening.

Seemingly, for the most part
That’s all it takes.





Written in Lisbon in September, 2014
My photos





Help us keep you retarded

Service Announcement Saviours 



Your standard Sydney train experience 



Customers, please allow other passengers to disembark from the train before entering. Thank you.

Customers, please keep back from the yellow line when trains are approaching. Thank you.

Customers please watch out for trips, slips and falls. Help us keep you safe.

Customers, please keep your bags off the seats.
Thank you.

Customers, if you are feeling unwell, do not risk it. Get off at the next station. Staff will be there to assist you.

Customers, please keep your shoes off the seats.
Thank you.

Please do not sit on or obstruct the stairways.

The train on this platform is now due to depart. Please stand clear.

Customers on Platform __. The next train will not be stopping on this platform. Please stand clear.

Customers please stand back from opening doors.

If you notice a suspicious package, please do not touch it. Report it to station staff.

Passengers, for safety, please take extreme care. Surfaces may be slippery when wet.






Customers, please do not keep the doors open with your hands. Help us keep you safe.

Customers, you do not have to use your brain while on this train. Help us keep you retarded.
Thank you.














(George Orwell continues to roll in his grave, clutching his splitting sides).




































Got a pet Nanny State Hate?




Memory as desire - A place as friend



This poem is from a submission I made in 2012 that required it be set in a real place, hence the description at the bottom. It was rejected, (along with hundreds of other poems to various publications that I've submitted to over the years), but that doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile. 
I hope you like it.




The Veins of a friend and a friend in vain


I

Dark river waters
I cannot see my reflection
Brown earth liquid flows
Yet I know
Even at this young age
That I’ll always be with you
Even if after today
I never see you again
Slow perpetual wonderings
Leaving me behind.


II

The river bank imbued
With the corpses
Of trees
Limbs
Reaching out
Clinging to the water
In memory
Perpetually changing
Forever dying
Bringing life.


III

I return
Yet
My past is lost here
It’s already too late
I’ve grown older
So far removed
From how it used to be
And what is to come?
It used to be easy
But now I’m frozen.







Location: Campbell’s Bend, Victoria.


I grew up in Murchison, which is situated on the banks of the Goulburn. I spent many summers swimming in this particular location and in fact, I learnt to swim there. As a teenager, I got drunk there, took drugs there and had sex there. My first published book, Bottomless River is set there. 
I have not been back for many years. I’m almost too frightened to, in case I don’t recognise it anymore. The physicality of a river changes as much as people. However I do hope that families and other youngsters are having as much fun now as I once did.




Paddlesteamer at work - 1878 - slightly before my time





More Poetry.                          



Hype-O






Stench
Racism disgusting
Unless
Against white people
Sexism diabolical
Unless against males
Orientation prejudice despised
Unless straight-centric

Putrefaction of hypocrisy
Rife









More Poetry
More Satire



Rest In Prince

I saw Prince in Sydney in 2012 and he was in superb form. A very energetic show at almost three hours long, a man with still a lot to offer, prolific to the end. Some of his recent albums are very good.
I still find it very hard to believe. 
I'm a lifelong fan, particularly during the 80's but going back to his early albums such as the funky Dirty Mind and Controversy. 
A mammoth talent, one of the all time greatest.


From the 2012 Australian Tour








Year One - Killing in the name of... - Warning disturbing content









Year One


Cambodia's Killing Fields


A Video



Edited to the soundtrack of the film, The Killing Fields by Mike Oldfield


(Warning, contains disturbing photographs)


















The Cambodia Trials continue. (As of March '16)



Gasping







Mis-Step

If a smile is not carved
Into the leering face of opposition
The shadow catapults
To completion
Its strength indomitable
You are left with suffocation
And the awareness
Of your closing stumble.







 More Poetry.


Man sues his sex doll


Man sues his sex doll and her makers.


Kayla


A North Yorkshire man has reportedly sued his sex doll and her makers, HotBotBooty after finding dissatisfaction with his purchase. 

'She looked great when I first got her,' he said at the preliminary hearing at Fairfax Court on Monday. 'I dressed her up and took her out for dinner. It was a pretty cheap night I can tell you that. Best date I've ever had.'
However after several months, the man tried to return the doll, but was informed it was impossible to do so as the doll had already been 'used.' He claims that the doll did not live up to his expectations and attempted to instigate a refund. 'The first few times we made love, she was very compliant, very considerate, you know, no demands and things like that. But after a while, I mean, she didn't respond to anything, no matter what I did. She just lay there.'


The man chooses to remain anonymous.

The man argued that the company made satisfaction guarantees on all their products. 'I can dump a girlfriend, if I had one, so why can't I dump my Kayla? She's so frustrating. I can't even look at her anymore.'
Kayla is expected to present herself to the court when the hearing continues on the 16th.







More Satire Bytes




I'm guilty








Um, er, um, wait! Um... 
Oh. 



  

Defence-less (the complexities)

Yes I’m guilty
No excuses
Only a basis for decisions
A process for the conclusion
If you wish to hear it.

No?
Any interest in comprehending
All the competing factors?
The tenuous positioning
Made transparent?
Not good enough?

I suppose not.

So what would you like me to say?
Sorry?
I'm stupid?
An asshole?
Aren't all these things par for the course?
I suppose I'll do what's expected
Retreat to my hovel
So you can fire
Agenda laden volleys
Leaving truth to wither
In the cross-fire.




More Poetry

Too serious? Try Satire Bytes. 





Dead


         





       
 




Their cause is just... or not


St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre 1572 (Artwork by Francois Dubois)


The people respond with outrage


Yes, the people respond with their outrage
As is expected
After such an horrific event

Until…
In the days to come
The threads are unwound
The truth seeps out
The self-serving agendas
The epitome of the inner demands
Floods
Mirroring
Blanketing all
Except those who can see
Who are reviled
Including me
And maybe you
And whether their cause is just or not
Is beside the point
Because this event
has its own truth
and must be assessed as such…

As it is
With every other situation…
And so they believe their own intelligence
                 War of words - latuff2.deviantart.com
And serve their master
Their objective
To a degree
Whereupon they cage themselves
Yet will defend to the end.

This is impossible to battle.

Arguments arise
They inevitably turn personal
Interests become a struggle for the self
In which individuals will fight to the death…
How can that be toppled?
Reasoned with?

It cannot.

A myriad of shifting weather-scheme emotions
Until someone suffers
And whether they deserved it or not
Doesn’t matter either
As there is no justice in the short term
Only happenstance

Where you and I live.

So cross yourself
Pay homage
Or whatever it is you do
Say your bit if you must
But you will not alter what has already been
And before you dig in
To defend your opinion
Take a moment to listen to yourself
From afar.

What will it achieve
In the end?
And if you get your way
As you might
Will you ultimately regret it?

As when all is said and perhaps not done
It was about the event…
And not you.







Fat Shaming. No blaming. Part Two


Fat shaming has to end.


Part Two of Two

(Part One here).



          Why is there many more obese people than ever before I hear you say with your pointed, condescending finger? Because there’s so many phones and computers now. Did we make them? No. Maybe Apple should pay for diet programs. It’s mostly their fault anyway. Not that I’d go on a diet. They’re just out to make money out of you. I won’t give those criminals a cent! Besides, they don’t work. It’s a rort!



See? She's miserable.
   
Also exercise sucks. Who enjoys it? It’s a killer! Plus it’s boring. I’ve got far more important things to do. Did you know that exercise can be very hard on the heart? Plenty of folks have died while riding a bike. And driving on roads is purely suicidal! (Not that I drive anymore. I have trouble getting comfortable behind the wheel. Too cramped in there. Ridiculous!)



     

    
   Jogging is bad too. It’s really terrible for the joints! Ask any fifty year old jogger! I know this exercise freak who has arthritis in his leg and he’s only thirty nine! Plus, he’s had two hip replacements. Two! (Actually he may be forty nine. Or is he fifty nine? I forget). Anyway, exercise is way overrated. They didn’t have gyms a thousand years ago did they, and they survived just fine!


Chillaxing. No gyms. No fat!


       Don’t believe everything the media tells you. History has proven that they’ve been lying to us, the public, forever, because they want to control us. Don’t be fooled. Don’t be intimidated. Be proud. Be fat. Nobody lives forever anyway. I know we can change society’s attitude if we stand up and unite. And I know there’s plenty of us out there because I see heaps of fat, um, plus-size people everywhere! We can do it! (I’m a rebel by nature).


Sure it's embarrassing, but at least it's still one fare!




       I will never pay for an extra seat on a plane for instance. I am not two people. One heart. One person. I don't care if you need six arms to wrap around me, I'm one! Get over it!








      I don’t care if my bones won’t support my weight after I’m sixty five or even sixty. I like sitting on the couch. (I love reality TV). And if I get diabetes or have kidney failure or liver failure or a heart attack, then I will adopt I take that line from the movie Starship Troopers just before the troops go into battle against the space bugs. “Come on you apes! Do you wanna live forever?”


Fact: Plus size people more likely to survive an accident or alien attack. All that extra organ protection!



Written by a friend who wishes to remain anonymous.




Part One here.





Fat Shaming is inflaming - Part One





Fat shaming has to end.



Part One of Two





      
        It’s out of control now. If people want to be fat, it’s their choice. I mean, who doesn’t like food? Who doesn’t like a hamburger, fries, thick-shakes or a squishy mud cake? If anything, it’s the manufactures fault for producing it. And governments for allowing so much of it into our supermarkets. Shame on them. Forget fat shaming. It should be corporate shaming! Politicians shaming! There goes a politician. Eww gross!



       Sure there are many healthy options now. Much more than for years and years. Sure there are many TV shows, online videos and recipes (Jamie Oliver) giving us simple and cheap options. Some are even in pre-packaging to make it easy, but really, who’s got the time? I know I don’t. It’s a busy world out there.



Resist, if you can.  Plus with healthy fruit!




      Besides, coke and potato chips are damn fine and icing coated donuts are soooo yummy! 









See? It's depression. Get over it.


       Actually many of us have medical conditions. We’re big boned. Look it up. It’s much more prevalent than all those Health Professional Nazis would have you believe. AND we have eating disorders. We're depressed and we eat. Simple. Like people drink. Or take drugs. And sure there is help for them if they want it but maybe we dont want it! It's our prerogative








Plenty of us can’t help it. It’s like saying someone should be white instead of black. We can’t help the way we’re born. It’s in our DNA! (Did I sound racist? I didn’t mean to. I’d love to be black. I reckon I’ve got a black woman’s booty. I’m damn proud of it! Move over Serena Williams!)






      Plenty of guys love plus sized women too. Ever heard of BBW’s? Yeah. There’s a whole legion of Chubby Chasers out there. Imagine how they’d feel if we became sticks like those anorexic grasshoppers? They’d be devastated. It ain’t right.


You go girl!



       Are we ugly? Hell no! Beauty is only skin deep peeps! We’d be hot if we were slimmer! Can’t they see past the cellulite? Cellulose. Whatever. We can see it! We can imagine exactly what we’d look like if we lost the jowls, multiple chins and a stomach like a dead whale carcass. We have our rights too, just like Muslims and other minorities.





      A person is only that after all; flawed and imperfect. I challenge anyone to show their flaws to the world like plus size people do. It’s not easy. It’s really, really hard! We’re not fishing for sympathy. We’re being brave, pioneers in a way. This is us. We’re fat and we’re proud. 


Written by a friend who wishes to remain anonymous.



Part Two coming soon!