Hey,
How are you doing?
Gender Matters! Or maybe it doesn't...
You can be Special - just by doing this...
Don't blame Anthony!
This post was brought to you by Stevie...
Created on a Sunday
https://anthonyjlangford.wixsite.com/writer
Have a great week!
Peace
Anthony (And Stevie on Sundays)
So Terrible it's utter genius.
Best Xmas movie ever!
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| You'll be laughing too, except at them, not with. (That's Pia Zadora in the middle) |
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| Even the blockhead Droppo can't beleive how bad the script is. (Ironically, one of the few actors to actually go on and have a career). |
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. 1964
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| 'Oh me, on my!' Mrs Claus and the elves are 'frozen' by the Martians, just before Santa is kidnapped. The performance by Mrs Claus alone is worth watching. Her laughter is insane! |
The children of Mars are without humour or fun, programmed with too much tech (a premonition for today), and so a group of Martians decided to set off for Earth to kidnap Santa to bring some joy back home.
It is a kid's film so some of it is supposed to be funny but it's funny in all the wrong places. The humour is so terrible that it has to be seen to be beleived. Some terrible one liners. Shocking acting. Terrible sets and action (the polar bear and Robot are particularly bad), but the whole thing just has so many terrible moments that it's actually extremely entertaining. If you can laugh your way through a film, it's worth every second.
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| Torg, the scariest man in a cardboard box Robot ever depicted on screen! |
It's a staple film in our household and has been played every Christmas since first 'discovering' it on SBS around 2005. So that means I've seen it at least twenty times as some years we played it twice! I swear every time I watch it, I discover some other hilarious moment.
Short YouTube Trailer
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| Frighteningly realistic North Pole set, along with a frighteningly realistic robot! |
Do yourself a favour and make it a must watch. It's only 80 mins and is seriously some of the best entertainment you'll ever see. It's harmless of course so you can't hate on it but instead, find it endearing in its own unique, terrible way.
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| Ah, they'll never find us in the Radar Box! |
Worth noting it stars a young Pia Zadora who, twenty years later would be starring in some fairly bad risque films, like Butterfly (1981) and The Lonely Lady (1983) thanks to her rich husband who funded the films. Unlike her clothes in these films, her career never took off.
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| End Credits Theme Song, Also a Classic! Look at those inventive lyrics! |
Watch Santa & the Martians for FREE on YOUTUBE
It has a huge cult following.
You'll be in too, once you watch it!
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| "I'll blow-wave you to death, Santy!" Zoldar, the funniest villian ever. |
The controversial new Drought Breaker
This story first appeared in the Daily Standard on December 13, 2019.
In what could be a world first, scientists have succeeded in desalinating sperm into perfectly healthy drinking water.
‘We know it’s a difficult concept to swallow, but the idea of drinking sea water was also considered repulsive by some. It’s not so far removed from that.’
In fact, a similar chemical process is used to break down tadpoles into its most basic form. Zinc components remain intact so it’s actually more healthy than water.
When we asked whether people will refuse to drink it, the spokesperson for the revolutionary Purify or Die Project said, ‘I suggest people just put their ideology to one side and give it a go. It really is completely safe. Just close your eyes and swallow!’
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| Unprocessed water |
This new company will at first truck their tankers to rural areas to test it in the wild, so to speak.
‘It’s an actual fertiliser,’ the scientist said. ‘If people don’t wish to drink it, then it’s great for crops. It’s a veritable magic bean. Stuff shoots up all over the place. Animals love it too. They genuinely prefer it to water. They’re crying out for the stuff.’
Naturally some people joke that it can make you pregnant. ‘Rest assured, no one ever got pregnant from swallowing semen, so the same applies here. Add ice, alcohol and fruit and you’ve got a mojito, with an extra bang for your buck.’
Men wishing to make a donation are encouraged to line up at one of the company’s new milking stations. See the company website for locations. ‘They’re popping up everywhere. We hope to have one in every suburb by 2028. You won’t be able to keep us down!’
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| Very popular in China |
Leave that tap alone and give it a go. You don’t know it until you try it. As stated on the company website, ‘You’ll be grinning, licking your lips and groaning with satisfaction!’
Rival companies are reported to be in throes of erupting onto the scene. Some entrepreneurial types are also cashing in on this new phenomenon. Mini Milk Bars are now opening, in the style of 1950’s Milkshake Diners with modern names such as Pump Up The Jam, Jizz Whizz, Blow and Go Joes, Sippy Cup Spunk, Willy Water, Teste Times and The Funky Fluid Factory.
Just don’t hold your glass up to the light. It’s better not to know.
More Satire Bytes.
I came across this piece (excuse the pun), just this week, having no idea what it was. I had forgotten I even wrote it. Given my lack of writing at the moment and in need of a laugh I thought, what the hell, I'll share it anyway. I was probably concerned it was too much and it is haha but it is quite creative. Bizarre perhaps. Certainly gross but creative!
Once upon a time people fought to be gay, lesbian, bi or transgender. Pioneers, who had to go through a lot of shit to be accepted. Legends.
But a new generation came along and being accepted wasn't enough. So they made up terms such as Non-Binary and Gender Fluid and CIS people and Pansexual and Sapiosexual and whatever they could think of to make them unique. How bold.
Now, a new generation is in the wings. How can they stand out from the 'old labels' crowd?
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| Hey mum! It's meeee! I'm Spesh! |
Hi,
Hope you're doing well.
See if you can relate to this little ditty.
Narcissists and numbskulls
Allow them time
They will reveal themselves.
Sit back
They will provide the rope
And promptly hang themselves
For all to see.
All that is required
And it’s a must
Is for spectators
To call them out on it.
Character assassination
From within
Deserves applause
And the surety
That the dead wasn’t rise
Again.
The first time around
Was bad enough.
20.2.23 7.30
pm
Have a good week.
Peace
Anthony
From 2016. Always relevant.
The Foot Soldiers of Political Change
aka
Change is in the Wind, like a stale fart
They took
something bad
And made it right
And then repeated
the same mistake
Never knowing when
to stop
Without observing
the flapping faux pas
On their nose
Like a discarded
embryo sac
Made buoyant by
the hot winds
Of time
Once again
solidifying
The corpses of errors
Piled endlessly throughout
history
Reborn and
Redressed
For the new school
of thought.
There’s nothing
like running that injustice
Into the putrid
layers
Of hypocrisy
Tomorrow’s fossil
fuel
Still fermenting
Yet, if you put your
lips to the populous Holy Wall
The stench is
obvious
As the silver
lining sphincters
From whence superiority
flows.
Eww.
Next week,
More in the series on the Eighth Wonder of the World
