It's like Debbie Does Dallas in her Wonder Years.
Pray she doesn't have a mullet... down there.
The Thrilling Climax (also known as the Orgasm Episode)
Ep.6 – Family First.
In the last Ep, Timbo was in jail and Johnno was still on the run. Will Trace ever able to tell her man about her problem, or will MG get to her first?
Wendy the cop opens the glass cell door.
Timbo: (Grinning). 'Hey cutey! Are ya here to take me DNA sample? I'm ready to give it!'
Wendy: 'I'm ignoring that. We've retrieved the hotel video. It seems the other men did start the fight.'
Timbo: 'Told ya! Those suits were fruits in cahoots!'
Wendy: 'You are weird. Look, the hotel could have pressed charges, so you're lucky that you're only banned.'
Timbo: 'Banned? But I didn't even flash me todge! Now I can't play me pokie machines! Where am I s'posed to drink now?'
Wendy: 'Gambling is bad for you. And there are others bars around.'
Timbo puts his hand to his chest with fake surprise: 'You really care hey! And did you just ask me out for a date?'
Wendy: 'Ah, I don't think so. But you can tell your mate he's off the hook. If he turns up.'
Timbo: 'Johnno isn't home yet? Filth Meister. He's probably got his doodle stuck in a poodle.' Wendy: 'You're disgusting.'
Timbo: 'That's just what we say, when we pick up a stray. Not that I do. I'm waiting for the right woman. Wink. Wink.'
Wendy: 'She would have to be insane. Anyway I'm sure your mate will come home when he's hungry. Right. My shift is over. Do you have a lift?'
Timbo: 'Are you serious? The only lifting I do is me beer to me mouth!' Wendy: (Sighs) 'If you promise not to be gross, I can give you a lift.'
Timbo: 'I got a better idea. How about I give you a lift to a late night bar and buy you a drink?'
Wendy: 'You just said you don't have a car.'
Timbo: 'Oh. Um. Yeah. They call me Himbo sometimes. Ha ha. Howz about you gimme your phone number instead? Really, I'm not bad. Maybe a little sad, but that's ok, coz I'm not a dad!'
Wendy: 'Come on Brain Melt, I'll take you home. And I'll think about it. As long as you stop with the rubbish dump limericks.'
Timbo: 'Anything for you. You're pretty top. For a cop.'
Wendy: 'And you're kinda fun. For a bum.'
Sez: 'I think we should invest in a dog.'
Trace: 'Really? You reckon we can afford it?'
Sez: 'No but I need something to kick the shit out of when I get home.' MG laughs. It's a raucous roly poly guffaw.
Sez looks to Trace and raises her eyebrows. 'What a fucker of a night. I'll check youse later.'
Trace: 'Where'd ya think ya goin, ya slut sauce?' (makes a poor attempt at hiding not wanting to be alone with MG).
Sez: 'I gotta go to me Mums. Have to get me little cum stain.'
MG: 'You're what?'
Sez: 'The scabby squealer, the annoying anchor. Me sperm sample!' (she slaps Trace's arm). 'Don't do anything I wouldn't do!'
Trace: 'You'd do anything, slop bucket.'
Sez laughs and leaves.
Trace: 'I'm really tired now Muddie.' (fake yawns & stretches.) 'Awhhwwwhwhhhww.'
MG: 'But I gotta talk to you Trace.'
Trace: 'Not now Muddie. There's too much shit goin on in me head. I'm worried about me man Johnno. Remember him?'
MG: 'It's really important. It's about that time.'
Trace: (whispering). 'Jesus Mud, I was trashed that night. Look, I know you wanna slam the salami but it's not gunna happen again, awright?'
MG: 'But... I shuda told you before...I... I got the clap. You gotta get yourself checked out.'
Trace: 'What? I got it from you? Where the fuck you get it from?'
MG: 'Well... um..' (looks at the floor).
Trace: (holding her hand to her mouth). 'Say it isn't real Muddie. Say it isn't real!'
MG: 'She's not me real Nana! She's me step Nana!'
Trace: 'Aww you're fuckin disgustipated!'
MG: 'She's not that old. She's under 50 you know! Just.'
Trace: 'Get outa me house ya dirty maggot Nana-fucker! You've given me old Nana crabs!'
Johnno is still stumbling around the outer suburbs, lost. He's hungry. He's tired. He's thirsty. And he's as dirty as a feral cat. 'Mummeeeeeeee!' And maybe one day, he'll work out how to get home. Or perhaps be smart enough to ask someone for help. More than likely he'll be out there forever. Searching for Feral Street.
Most definitely the end.
Hope you enjoyed the series.
More in the Series on Greatest Written Films
A new non-fiction Series - Famous After Death
I'm going against the grain of your followers now in saying I haven't enjoyed this series. I really didn't enjoy the crudity of the language or the story line and I wonder who you're aiming for here as far as age group. Perhaps I'm too old for it, maybe it's more a boys series. As a fan of much of your other writing, especially your short stories I look forward to seeing what you come up with next.
Do I detect fireworks between Wendy and Timbo? This was all fun stuff.ReplyDelete
LOL @ Wendy the cop and Timbo the brain melt...ReplyDelete
I knew it! Trace and MG did spend a night together...she got more than she bargained for lol...
I am glad Feral Street has come to an end! I don't think I could take anymore episodes...
You clearly have a vivid imagination.
I'm wondering what you'll come up with next?
Now I really enjoyed this mini series but I have to be honest here. I’m just not buying Wendy going for Timbo, I just cant see itReplyDelete
I could have quite easily read atleast another two episodes... however, now that it is finished, I'm relieved because the feral four couldn't have got themselves any deeper into the dung-pile... could they? And seriously, Wendy and Timbo - think you're stretching the imagination there just a tad! Thanks for sharing yet another side to your writing Tony!ReplyDelete
it was funny. you really are very talented. Hugs!ReplyDelete
Great ending - I like the idea of Johnno wandering aimlessly forever. BUt I do have to agree I just don't buy Wendy going for Timbo - but I guess you never know after all she did say her brother has a mullet! I think the series showed the versatility of your writing and imagination - you can do anything - enthral, deeply move and even gross people out! Showes the great writer you really are. You also clearly had fun with this one and good on you for sharing your "fun" side with us.ReplyDelete
Thank you all for your comments. I'm sorry you did'nt like it all, but I appreciate that you stuck with it to the end. It was an experiment, and not my usual style, but it was a bit of fun.ReplyDelete
Just for the record, unfortunately I have to save my best stories and poems for submissions to publications and competitions, but I do put effort into everything I do. Some things simply turn out better than others. Have to admit, I had a bit of fun with this one. Being wrong feels good!
Thanks for your support guys!
Hi there! You left a message on MySpace and thought I'd pop by! Good luck with your writing, you're working hard on it, so you'll get there in the end. :)ReplyDelete
Also, liked the smiley face bird pic at the end! Wonderful.
MY BOOKISH BLOG
Thank you Sassy Brit! I'll keep at it!ReplyDelete
I'll be checking yours out now too
A great ending. I haven't always commented, but I have been reading. I may have to grow a mullet to celebrate...ReplyDelete