The final result
I
feel the shadow at my shoulder
Like
an error unchangeable
The
terrible result
I
wish I could tell you
I
knew It was coming
I
always thought
There’d
be more time
Like
those final monologues in movies
But
they cheated me
So
much for having the effects in order
Rooms
were untidy
There
was Disorder to order
Thoughts
were scattered
People
to talk to
Signatures
to sign
Emails
to send
And
food in the fridge
If
I had known
I’ve
just realised
I’m
that person
Who
once was
The
name on the headstone
And
is now staring back at you
Who
once felt the breeze
And
all the pain and elation I’ve ever felt
Is
less than the dirt beneath your feet.
I’m finally here
And when I always thought
That I wouldn’t exist
If you didn’t recognise me
I’ll pass that up
For one more chance.
I’m
sorry I had thoughts of giving up
Throwing
it in with swollen frustrations
And
that’s all it was
There
is so much more
I
can see that now
I
can see it stretching into forever
I’m
not asking for another year
Just
one more day
To
appreciate what I used to let drift…
Easing
into a chair after a long day
The
gentle caress of a favourite song
The
cool wet of rain on skin
The
beauty in a dark rolling sky
The
bliss of satisfying a deep thirst
The
comfort of a smooth functioning routine
The
relief of confiding in a friend
The
holistic redemption
Of
a much needed hug
from
someone who genuinely gives a fuck.
The intense physical flight
Of a body in ecstasy…
A
sense of purpose
Met
When
it all comes together
Even
though it’s not often enough.
The
joy of losing control
In
a laugh that doesn’t want to end.
Feeling
another body beside you in bed
As
an alternate reality, greets you in sleep.
Or
the simple joy of lying in
Without
the guilt of having to get up.
In
a moment, things are perfect
And
you feel it
To
your core.
These
are the moments to miss
The
career and the bank account
Won’t
mean a thing.
I’m
fading fast
And
I wish had wisdom for you
And
it’s there
But
I can’t remember it right now
I’m
sorry for that too
But
I cannot be anything else
Other
than dissipating energy
Created
by the memory of others
There
is nothing more to miss
I
am already gone.
