Nice to see you.

Order Lone Wolf World via Amazon or above
2018 Best New Talent - Short and Sweet Festival Sydney
2014 Pushcart Prize nominee. (more)


Get a weekly post delivered straight to your email. Email Subscribe to

Online Dating - with conditions

App Dating

Have you tried it? Found yourself wasting hours? And hours? Chats that go nowhere fast. Fake profiles. Perhaps it should be rephrased as Nap Dating. I've tried several of these Apps, many strategies and many coffees (with a No Fireworks, No Follow Up Clause). 

Some successes, many 'pass on by's' but mostly no responses and it's 'all too difficult.' 

Who wants a real person anyway? They're only flawed, right? 

I want a custom designed human (as though from ebay) to slot into my already full schedule. After all, we're all so busy these days! There's so much choice. I can just keep looking. And looking! And looking... a n d ..zzzzzzz

Bring on the sexbots, that's all I can say.

(I lie,*  I'll say this too. Read poem below.) 

Open / (with Conditions)

I’m busy
Here and here
And leave this free for that
I’m available
And so happy (with emoji grin)
To squeeze you in
Providing you first meet
All criteria
(Produces The Checklist).

I may change my mind regardless
With a no notice clause
Ghost you
Like online garbage.


Related image

What's your experience with Online Dating?

If you've been on these apps, you'll know what I mean. For many people, it's little more than a digital ego boost, much like securing a love-heart Like!  
Endorphin rush. Next!

('Dating apps are basically slot machines - there's the promise that you're going to find something good, and every once in a while you get a little positive reinforcement to keep going,' David Greenfield, Center for Internet and Technology Addiction.)

My Books

* A lie? Damn. I must be flawed too! 

Next, a wonderful Nostalgia Video of Old Sydney with new music and edit. 

More Satire


  1. Haven't used a dating app, too much going on in my life to consider relationships. But for my last assignment for a screenwriting subject I wrote a short film about people forgoing real world relationships for those with online artificial intelligences. I was listening to a program on RN's All in the Mind while writing it about sexbots, and they have made one with artificial intelligence that you can have a conversation with, and can even ring on your mobile.

    1. I kind of like the sound of that. Is that weird? There's a lot of that going on in Japan already apparently. Young guys having relationships with virtual people. They have a real problem with fertility rates.

  2. For a few years I was on a couple of "free" dating sites. The free dates were obnoxious, sleazy creeps who just wanted a one night stand, hey guys you need tinder for that. Or they were fake profiles such as USA military based in Afghanistan, who could text and chat all day and all night, what the war fights itself lol. Follow the ip address to Malaysia or Africa and don't forget to send them your life savings for a first date. Personally I would rather be single and wait for my Knight in rusty armour to ride up on his rocking horse and get a hernia carrying me away. Forget online dating, they Never look like there pictures.

    1. Haha great reply. Thanks Joanne!
      Had similiar experiences too... true waste of time.


Like what you read? Please Share. Without you I is nothing.