Nice to see you.

2018 Best New Talent - Short and Sweet Festival Sydney
2014 Pushcart Prize nominee. (more)

Books: Eclectic story collection Pseudo Stars out now!

Feral Street - Episode 2

Feral Street

Kind of like the O.C. but totally opposite.
Pray you don't end up there..without a mullet.

(A Feral or a Bogan is a redneck)

A Six Part Series

Meet Johnno, Timbo, Sez & Trace. And MG (Mud Guts).
(All twenty something. The boys live together, the girls next door
and across the road, MG with his Nana.)

Warning: Not for the easily offended..

Ep.2 – Strawberry flavoured.

Last time, Johnno and Timbo took a day off job hunting (again) to play Wii.
Meanwhile next door, at Sez and Trace's house.

Sez: (coming out of the bathroom). 'Hey Trace! Did you like, leave ya pimples behind or sumfin?'
Trace: (in her bedroom, looking for her razor). 'What crap are you talkin scrag?'
Sez: 'Come and look this toilet seat! There's like, red dots on there! Ya ass pimples fallin off or sumfin? Ha ha.'
Trace: (takes her razor and walks to the bathroom). 'Hey well I'm workin on it awright? Jesus. Give a girl a chance!'
Sez: 'You're not a girl, ya old pro. You're like some filthy bloke with ya sweaty jock rash!'
Trace: (embarrassed) 'Ah, its not a skin rash.' (she holds up her razor with a questioning look).
Sez: 'What? You cut your legs or sumfin? You're like a teenager you slut fish. Or a trannie.'
Trace: 'Jesus! Do I gotta spell it out for ya ya dumb whore hound? I got fucken crabs!'
Sez: 'WHAT? Get the fucken hell outa ME house!' She points.

Trace: 'That's OUR house and what do ya reckon me razor's for? Me pubes are comin off awright?'
Sez: 'Fucken Hell! You been using me furniture! And cutlery too!'
Trace: 'Not to fucken masturbate with ya crack Whore! Stop ya carry on! It's not like you been goin down on me or nuthin!'
Sez: 'Oh shit. And I really didn't want to either. No. No. Yukky. Uh-huh.'
Trace: (Notices her awkwardness). 'Oh me God! You fancy me ass? You salmon sucker!'
Sez: 'Don't be fricken disgusting.'
Trace: 'You do! You want a piece of Trace perch!'
Sez: 'You can talk Crab girl! You gunna tell Johnno about your problem ya slut gorilla?'
Trace: 'I haven't rooted him yet! And I'm gunna shave. Right now.'
Sez: 'Can't the crabs crawl up ya? Don't you need cream or sumfin?'
Trace: 'I dunno. Am I a bloody sexpert? Do we got any cream?'
Sez: 'I got yoghurt in the fridge. Its s'psed to be good for ya ain't it?'
Trace: 'I fink so. I heard that it's got Vitamin D in it. Is it vanilla?'
Sez: 'I think it's strawberry.'
Trace: 'What the hell, that'll do. Give me 10 mins to whip off this cactus plant then bring it in.'
(There's a knock on the front door).
Sez: 'Oh shit! I hope that's not your man. He sooo wants to bonk you. Does he know you're a dirty slustard who'll fuck anyone down the pub for a half a beer?'
Trace: 'Hey! I'm better than that! I ask for a whole beer.'
Sez: (smiling). 'Skank.'
Trace: 'Don't you say a word ya squid licker. Go answer the door!' (She shuts the bathroom door).
Sez walks to the front door. It's tubby MG (Mud Guts), from across the road.
Sez: Oh hi Muddy.
MG: 'Helsinki, we have a problem.'
Sez: 'Who's Hell Sinky?'

Next Ep: What is MG's problem? Will Trace get rid of her pubes? Can she really confess to the man she loves that she has crabs? Or will the strawberry yoghurt do the trick?

Until Then,