Nice to see you.



''They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while, then closes,
Within a dream.''


2014 Pushcart Prize nominee. (more)

New story collection coming soon: Pseudo Stars

Many stories and poems published worldwide.
My work is raw and from experience and observations.


anthonyjlangford2@yahoo.com.au


Feral Street - Episode 2


Feral Street

Kind of like the O.C. but totally opposite.
Pray you don't end up there..without a mullet.


(A Feral or a Bogan is a redneck)

A Six Part Series

Meet Johnno, Timbo, Sez & Trace. And MG (Mud Guts).
(All twenty something. The boys live together, the girls next door
and across the road, MG with his Nana.)

Warning: Not for the easily offended..


Ep.2 – Strawberry flavoured.

Last time, Johnno and Timbo took a day off job hunting (again) to play Wii.
Meanwhile next door, at Sez and Trace's house.


Sez: (coming out of the bathroom). 'Hey Trace! Did you like, leave ya pimples behind or sumfin?'
Trace: (in her bedroom, looking for her razor). 'What crap are you talkin scrag?'
Sez: 'Come and look this toilet seat! There's like, red dots on there! Ya ass pimples fallin off or sumfin? Ha ha.'
Trace: (takes her razor and walks to the bathroom). 'Hey well I'm workin on it awright? Jesus. Give a girl a chance!'
Sez: 'You're not a girl, ya old pro. You're like some filthy bloke with ya sweaty jock rash!'
Trace: (embarrassed) 'Ah, its not a skin rash.' (she holds up her razor with a questioning look).
Sez: 'What? You cut your legs or sumfin? You're like a teenager you slut fish. Or a trannie.'
Trace: 'Jesus! Do I gotta spell it out for ya ya dumb whore hound? I got fucken crabs!'
Sez: 'WHAT? Get the fucken hell outa ME house!' She points.



Trace: 'That's OUR house and what do ya reckon me razor's for? Me pubes are comin off awright?'
Sez: 'Fucken Hell! You been using me furniture! And cutlery too!'
Trace: 'Not to fucken masturbate with ya crack Whore! Stop ya carry on! It's not like you been goin down on me or nuthin!'
Sez: 'Oh shit. And I really didn't want to either. No. No. Yukky. Uh-huh.'
Trace: (Notices her awkwardness). 'Oh me God! You fancy me ass? You salmon sucker!'
Sez: 'Don't be fricken disgusting.'
Trace: 'You do! You want a piece of Trace perch!'
Sez: 'You can talk Crab girl! You gunna tell Johnno about your problem ya slut gorilla?'
Trace: 'I haven't rooted him yet! And I'm gunna shave. Right now.'
Sez: 'Can't the crabs crawl up ya? Don't you need cream or sumfin?'
Trace: 'I dunno. Am I a bloody sexpert? Do we got any cream?'
Sez: 'I got yoghurt in the fridge. Its s'psed to be good for ya ain't it?'
Trace: 'I fink so. I heard that it's got Vitamin D in it. Is it vanilla?'
Sez: 'I think it's strawberry.'
Trace: 'What the hell, that'll do. Give me 10 mins to whip off this cactus plant then bring it in.'
(There's a knock on the front door).
Sez: 'Oh shit! I hope that's not your man. He sooo wants to bonk you. Does he know you're a dirty slustard who'll fuck anyone down the pub for a half a beer?'
Trace: 'Hey! I'm better than that! I ask for a whole beer.'
Sez: (smiling). 'Skank.'
Trace: 'Don't you say a word ya squid licker. Go answer the door!' (She shuts the bathroom door).
Sez walks to the front door. It's tubby MG (Mud Guts), from across the road.
Sez: Oh hi Muddy.
MG: 'Helsinki, we have a problem.'
Sez: 'Who's Hell Sinky?'



Next Ep: What is MG's problem? Will Trace get rid of her pubes? Can she really confess to the man she loves that she has crabs? Or will the strawberry yoghurt do the trick?


Until Then,

7 comments:

  1. Good thing i was sitting down on this one! lol! you're a true genius! Where on God's green earth did you learn how to speak and write like this ?? it's funny and horrible! err..Where do you live??? lmao!

    Arielle

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  2. Anthony, Anthony, Anthony! I swear this cannot get any more feral at Crabsville, seriously!!! LMAO!

    Once again, I'm transported and I'm an invisible spectator listening in on a conversation. My first impression is that Sez was about to stretch out her cat claws, and let it rip at Trace. Her question, 'did you like, leave ya pimples behind or sumfin?' clearly is aggravated. She was not impressed with what she saw on the toilet seat, and it wasn't something she hadn't seen before. She knew exactly what was going on.

    Trace on the other hand wants to quickly deal with her new situation, and is feeling irritated that Sez found out. She was hoping to keep it secret, after all, what man wants to bonk a skank with crabs? LOL!

    Along comes Mud Guts, totally slow off the mark. If it wasn't for him, Sez wouldn't be having this problem!

    Well executed Anthony. You successfully managed to disgust and amuse me at the same time, and this duality is priceless! You are a writer that can incite an immediate reaction in an unsuspecting reader, even with a fore warning.

    Keep up the good work!

    G~

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  3. This was so perfect I couldn't read it all. Disgusting stuff. You did them Rednecks justice.
    xoRobyn

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  4. Fantastic, you really do feel like your taking one hell of a scary glimpse into redneck life.

    Trace: 'I dunno. Am I a bloody sexpert? Do we got any cream?'
    Sez: 'I got yoghurt in the fridge

    when I read that I was like, haha wow that is just simply funny

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  5. Thank you all.. yes it is very disgusting.. and offensive..it's part of the point i suppose.. lol..don't worry, i will return to some nicer posts after the end of the series.. Part of the point is to shock.. but they don't have the decorum filter that we've developed.. It's not to say that many arent decent people because they are.. but damn, they're good for a laugh...

    Not quite as gross after this.. well.. maybe just a little..thanks for your feedback...

    =]

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  6. Goodevening Anthony this was well written & keeping with the theme that is Ferral Street... it was crude, lewd & rude.
    I appreciate the creativity and character building in your episodic story Anthony. I know one thing's for sure...I would be too scared to step foot in Ferral St myself.
    I look forward to reading some of your poetry & inner thoughts sort of stuff!! Have a great week ahead!

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  7. Your mind is truely disgusting sometimes...you are way too good at channeling these lovely ladies and lads - I think perhaps you have some Feral Street in you?! Well done again - keep it up and I hope someone notices how good you are really soon.

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