Do you feel like this? I'm sorry.

Damaged, not yet dust

 

You know that feeling

You get sometimes

That melancholic wave

More like a surge

Coming up from your gut

It’s been sitting there for days                          

Weeks really

Bubbling away

Doing its thing in the background

And you know you’re not

Doing so well

But you’ve been doing your best

To pretend it’s not there

Even though it never really leaves you.

 

Then one hour

It arrives

And suddenly

It’s all there is

It’s completely taken over

One little thing

Just pushed you down

And you’re now so tired

No

Exhausted

Completely deflated

Not only do you

Have nothing to give

You can barely function

Even for yourself.

 

You feel cut off

Alone

Somehow persecuted

And you’re abruptly crying

And all that weight

You’ve been carrying

For so long

Crushes you

And you’re sobbing now

Thinking the very worst

Of everything

Unable to move

Unable to face any of it

Anymore.

 

It has control

Not you

You’re a prisoner to it

It feels like death

Like it’s a logical option.

If you’ve had that

I’m sorry my friend

We just want someone

To take it all away

To hold us

And promise

That things will improve.

 

You’re so desperate

For any other kind

Of existence

You’ll damn well

Do anything.

 

It passes

It always does

At least for a while

As empty as you feel

You’re more relaxed now

Expelled that build up

Though the existential flatness

Remains

Like a curse.

 

It may not go away

Not until things change

Which they will

In time

As everything does.

 

Just know

If you feel that deeply

It’s a reflection

Of the good person you are

And I guarantee

As it is for me too

That it’s not your fault.

 

Sometimes…

We just break a little.                                        

 

 

21.5.26    11.30 pm.