The ultimate human right - Suicide

 

Three months ago, (Aug.) I was in a very dark place. (Most of 2024 has been awful). I thought I had emerged but seemed to have taken a significant step back lately. I was never going to share this but fuck it. It is what it is. Oversharing perhaps. But it's not a bad poem (I barely write anymore) and makes a point I'd like to pass on to you.

The Inevitable

 

When the day comes

Know it was no-one’s fault

Least of all mine

There were other options

I felt explored already

So don’t be angry

I wasn’t selfish

It was a Mercy Act

Overdue

Not taken many years earlier

For the sake of others.

 

We all get there

In the end

Ageing deterioration

In this state

Felt too much to bear.

 

We are all ultimately

In a ‘I Now’ reality

Irrespective of others

No how close the bond.

 

We’re merely Caged

Without Walls

Weighed down

By our mortal limitations

And I pushed mine

To its last.

 

I hope your structure

Is ultimately kinder

To its fragile host.

 

12.8.24

11pm.

 

 

 

That statement is very true for me. I'm hanging on. But it's exhausting. Every day is a endurance test. I'm in survival mode. I do want a record, just in case. But I really hope to look back and be thankful that I persevered. And maybe be embarrassed that I shared this at all. I could live with that. (Yes, a little black humour).

(I also have bipolar 2 and serious side effects from medication which compound my internal distress). 

Speaking of life expectancy for people with mental health issues. I just found this article.

This from Healthline. 

Living with bipolar disorder is associated with decreased life expectancy. “Lifestyle factors prevalent among individuals with bipolar disorder — such as increased rates of smoking, substance use, poor dietary habits, and a sedentary lifestyle — pose additional risks for chronic illnesses,” Jensen says.

Compounding it all, he adds, are the natural mental health challenges that come from living with bipolar disorder, such as chronic stress, medication side effects, and suicidal ideation.

A 2023 reviewTrusted Source found that suicide was the leading cause of specific premature mortality among people living with bipolar disorder.

Brent Metcalf, a licensed clinical social worker from Kingsport, Tennessee, explains that the heightened risk of suicide stems from the intense mood shifts, impulsivity, and hopelessness that often characterize the condition.

More Poetry

I miss the person I was. The life I had. 

I hope you're in a decent place. I wouldn't wish this shit upon anyone.