Nice to see you.

Order Lone Wolf World via Amazon or above
2018 Best New Talent - Short and Sweet Festival Sydney
2014 Pushcart Prize nominee. (more)


Get a weekly post delivered straight to your email. Email Subscribe to

Vacancies in terrorism. WE WANT YOU!

How to be a Muslim terrorist

Preferably born in a Muslim country but not necessary.

Preferably born in a country other than that in which the terrorist act takes place, but not necessary.

You must be religiously fanatical, to the point where you would never have a progressive thought of your own. 
Free thinking is forbidden.

You must have a low IQ.

For those who don’t know what IQ is, you might well be suitable. (ie  you are stupid. Don't worry. This is good).

Must be prepared to die for the cause. Like suicide bombers, you are too dumb for a leadership role and are therefore easily sacrificial.

You must have a small penis. Men with small penises have much more to prove (Hitler, Osama etc) and are often high achievers

Height wise, a great bro to have around. wink-wink

Preferably you must also be small in size (see previous point).

You must not question orders. (see previous points).

You must be inspired by another act (see previous points).

You must have very poor luck with the ladies and preferably a virgin. (Men who score with the babes have more to live for).

Low IQ candidates or in this case, below basement level.

You must feel rejected by society. (You can’t make your way in life because… well... see the low IQ point).

If required, you must be prepared to travel to a war zone to fight.

If in a war zone, you must feel comfortable with rape. (See previous points about picking up women).

If you cannot rise to the occasion in a rape scenario, you may have sex with men. (It’s okay to be the fucker, as long as you are not the fuckee).

In the sand-dunes, no one can hear you scream.

If you rise to the occasion, and don’t even have the decency to give your brother a ‘helping hand’ you may have sex with a goat. Other animals are acceptable. A man is not a desert, but in the desert, it can be hard to find a goat that isn’t already partnered.

Going back one point. Loyalty is expected. You must satisfy your brother if he wishes it. Many Jihadist brothers jerk one another to relieve tension. A tense soldier is a bad soldier. Besides, jerking is fun!

You must aim for maximum impact. No, not in your brother’s bum. We mean with the body count. Therefore you must pick a soft target. We don’t want heroes here. No He-Men. Target unarmed civilians, including old people, women and innocent kiddies. We only want someone with no morals or respect or courage. Some may say you are a gutless pussy. That a blind, deaf, limbless child has more courage than you. This is good. Cowards are good for our business. We want gutless, spineless, wimpy, chicken liver, wuss-bags who would run snivelling into their mamma's fecal-y nappies than have a one to one fist fight.

Prime example of a gutless, spineless pussy. Notice lack of beard. 

War can be boring. Men play games to relieve boredom. Here’s a tip. Grow a beard. Fresh faced soldiers risk bukkake. Do you know how hard it is to remove cum from a beard? Exactly. We’ve all been there but a man with a full brotherhood beard is really saying, I do not like bukkake but I may swallow. Grow one. Stay clean. And enjoy the protein.

Lack of beard. Bukkake King, Hypocrite & Dumbass.

Do you relish the idea of a paradise where all the things you can’t get here will be available, even if it's complete fantasy?  (kinda like heaven except with group sex)

Fantasise about revenge? 

Fantasise about being a martyr? 

Are you a stupid, small, tiny dick loser who can’t get laid but likes to fuck animals? 

Then you’re a prime candidate for becoming a terrorist! 

Congratulations! WE WANT YOU!

Mentality required


(no, not bukkake)

In the desert, love can be found anywhere. 

One hump or two?


  1. Oh, my friend, I could hardly control my laughter when I read "We've all been there." Oy vey. Sadly, I know a fair number of men who qualify based on penis size alone.

    xo Love ya!

  2. That is both powerful and funny!
    Great post Anthony!


Like what you read? Please Share. Without you I is nothing.