Spirits lay beneath the concrete, where ancient feet once roamed.
Where the streets have no acclaim...
Where the streets have no acclaim
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Stories and poetry on connection The most accessible and positive book yet! |
New Website: Anthony J. Langford BooksOrder Lone Wolf World via Amazon or above
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Stories and poetry on connection The most accessible and positive book yet! |
Hi,
Very personal poem ahead. Some serious navel gazing involved. Read on at own risk.
I just don't know anymore
I don’t know why
I’m never satisfied.
I don’t know why
Happiness is so fleeting.
I don’t know why
There’s so much disappointment.
I don’t know why
I want things I can’t have.
I don’t know why
I obsess over things
That I can’t control.
I don’t know why
I imagine arguments
I’ll never have.
I don’t know why
I want to change the world
When I can’t change myself.
I don’t know why
I invest so much in people
Especially in the ones
Who give nothing back.
I don’t know why
I hurt so much
Over things small
And yet to happen.
I don’t know why
I feel so let down
And shunned.
I don’t know why
I feel like a failure
When there’s evidence to the contrary.
I don’t know why
I expect so much
Of myself
And others
When decades of experience
And reading philosophy
And understanding of self
Has already shown me
How it goes.
I don’t know why
I write
Or expect others to be interested.
Maybe if I read back
I’ll see the thread
And realise
That I do know why
And that the real question is
How to stop?
21.7.22
1.40 am (sober)
Can you relate to this? At least, to parts of it?
I don't think I'm much good on my own. My natural default setting isn't good. It's not all the time but that thinking is not isolated.
When I'm with others, I can kind of fake it and before I know it, I'm having fun. I laugh a lot with other people. I'm the opposite of the above. (Jekyll and Hyde?)
Three weeks before this was written I met someone. She's a lot younger than me so I haven't talked about it much. 8 months on, we're still together. She has had a huge impact on my wellbeing. (Positive for now. The misery will come later 😉)
I think the drug withdrawal problem has made it worse (read here), but it's always been there, as far back as I can remember. Certainly to teenage days. However a lot to be grateful for so must keep reminding myself of the good things.
Have a good week.
Peace
Anthony
Hi,
How are you going?
Are you young with dreams?
Middle age with life experience?
This is for you.
Watch on YT Here
Feedback welcomed.
Take care for now
Peace
Anthony
Outrage erupts over Miss Universe
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The Winner - Miss USA. Not all are happy. |
As Miss USA took home the honors in this year's Miss Universe, the competition has come under criticism for not being diverse enough.
While there was barely a white face amongst this year's finalists as selectors fall over themselves to get as diverse as possible so they can slap themselves on the back for being 'progressive' while overlooking their own discrimination, it appears to have all backfired.
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Ethnically diverse. 'We're almost there. There's still one or two whities to get rid of.' |
The translators representing Miss Mars and Miss Saturn have posted that, 'Once again, the Miss Universe organization has chosen an Earthling as winner. When we will be recognized? Just because we're not visible doesn't mean we're not there! Our lives matter too."
A new hashtag campaign is gaining traction, #InterplanetaryLivesMatterToo.
'Why bother having a Miss Universe if it's not Universal? It's just plain speciesism.'
Expect more of a Interplanetary presence next year as well as a Winner from another planet. In true Woke fashion. As we all know...
Whining Wins Awards.
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Miss Mercury chimed in, (again) 'Please! You can see how hot I am. Those bitchz got nuthin' on me.' |
Please share the hashtag and let's get it viral! Be part of the solution and share in the woke glory. #InterplanetaryLivesMatterToo.
Mostly it's young people who home invade. They're often on drugs, looking for money. They think that they will never be in a position to have money so it's only fair they take from the 'privileged.' Certainly when I left school I had no job and was broke and without hope. It's hard to imagine a different life. Not that I considered crime as a viable option. But I did know some rough types and some did go on to commit crime. God knows where they are now.
Back to the young. Unfortunately, the mistakes they commit at this point can stay with them for life. Some are just scumbags but many have been brought up in shitty homes, hence their drug addiction.
I came across this in a folder. It's from 2014. Imagining such a scenario..
Soliloquy to a Home Invader
Please take
everything.
It’s all yours.
I have no need for
it. There’s no need to hurt anyone. I’ll happily give it all up. You say, I
don’t need much. I know this is a big house, but it cannot make you happy. It’s
just a thing. Money can’t buy happiness, it’s true. A cliché but there’s been nothing
more real to me. I was happier when I was younger. When I was your age, I had
nothing. Absolutely nothing. I owned nothing. I had a shitty old bike, that’s
was it.
A car cannot make
you happy. Clothes cannot make you happy. The only real thing that can give us
true happiness is other people. Friends. Good friends. Even one. And the love
of a good woman or whomever. It doesn’t matter. Love. Affection. Someone to
confide in. and lots of sex of course. These are the things that…
Okay, okay, I'll
shut up. Yes, I know nothing. Just please don’t hurt…
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It's not a poem. I don't know what you'd call that. I thought I'd share it anyway as Ironically my grandmother had a home invader in June, 2022. She yelled at him to get out and he did as he was told. Freaked out he did! She was lucky. 95 years old too. What a legend.
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1923 - More minority misery. Nothing but torture porn |
Harry releases debut novel, Spare Me!
A comedy based on one of the world's most privileged lives.
Watch
More Satire
Hey,
How are you?
Hope it will be a great year for you. If not, fake it until you believe it.
The possibility of future books
depended upon the success of Us & Them.
I spent a fortune on the cover ($1200), as opposed to the
usual $700. It was released late October. I pushed it hard as I could in the
lead up for Christmas. If people weren’t interested for themselves, surely a
family member or friend would be.
I made two trailers. One of them I promoted (paid) on YouTube.
I made many posts on Facebook and Instagram about it. I paid
for two lots of advertising on Facebook. One for the cover and another for the
trailer. The cover received over 100 likes but no one went to the website (which
was put into the post).
Nothing either from the YouTube promotion.
I made multiple posts on LinkedIn. Not the best venue for it
but I am connected to many authors and publishers so perhaps it was actually better than social media. It was basically ignored.
A few likes. No comments. No visits.
I paid for an Ad on Amazon which is still running. The advertising
there is really complex. I don’t see any revenue from books sales unless it
reaches over $100 US and they wire me the money. I’ve never seen a cent from
them. I can only assume that no one is buying either. (I do know a few people
who have bought via Amazon but again, unless I make over $100 in profit, as
Amazon takes a big chunk, then I won’t see it).
If I was wealthy, I could pump in a lot of money into advertising and eventually someone would buy it and perhaps word of mouth might make it grow that way. I see a lot of that with YouTubers. Those with money get the followers. Yet, I’m not wealthy. I’m a single working dad with a mortgage. I probably spent about $500 on promotion. Not one sale.
I posted on Blogger about it too. I send those posts to my mailing
list which has approximately 100 people. Only a small number ever reply so I
assume the others aren’t looking.
I also did a small letterbox drop and left a few business cards at a couple of public street libraries.
I rang a library (plus my local) to do an author talk but they are only organised through councils now (unlike when I did a talk at a library a decade ago). The council person who emailed back said "poetry events don't attract people." I said it was mostly fiction and based on true stories but they did not reply. I figure because I'm a no name they're just skirting me.
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The pen is mightier than the sword. Around 2009, when I had lots of enthusiasm (and a lot more ribcage) 😄 |
I’ve been through this
many times before. Book stores won’t deal directly with authors. Only the
little independents and even most of them say no.
Gleebooks has been great and stocked my books. That’s because
I physically go in there and it’s a lot harder to say no.
Better Read than Dead in Newtown have also been great but
they wouldn’t stock Us & Them before Christmas as they are too busy. They
will stock it in the New Year. Remember you are competing with all
the world’s biggest names so even if you get in, most are only going for those
they know anyway.
And therein lies the problem I believe. Even if it gets into
people’s faces somehow, they are risk adverse. They go for names. They go for
books they have seen reviewed in a newspaper or on TV etc. Everyone will buy a
book that others are reading. It’s group mentality. Bookstores also have
publishing companies paying for visible spots, so if your book is spine facing
on the shelf, you have no chance. Only twice has a bookstore put my book cover out.
Again that was due to face to face interaction. I guess they liked me. At Gleebooks it's spine out and on the top shelf so I'm fairly certain no one will buy it. Christmas has passed and they didn't.
What does this mean going forward?
It means I have failed to garner any new readers. And lost a
lot of money. The only places I’m getting traction with people is those I
already engage with either via email or on my Facebook Author Page. It’s the
same few people who keep returning. I would name them because they are so
wonderful. Without them I wouldn’t have made it this far. And perhaps I should
simply be grateful with what I have put out already. Eight books. Four via Gininderra
Press (they dropped me through lack of sales) and four by myself.
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2011 - In the midst of a peak writing frenzy that lasted about 10 years |
I suppose the disappointing this is that I’ve saved my best
novels because I had always hoped that they would be legitimately published. I
must have sent those books out 700 times over the years. They are almost never
looked at. The more I hear about how new authors get published, the more I
realise is that they had a connection somewhere. Occasionally someone gets a lucky break but they are very rare indeed. 1 in 10,000. Something huge like that. I just didn’t
get that break. It’s the norm. I’m not hard done by.
Though being a straight, white male in the 'identity era' didn't help. I was at the bottom of the pecking order. If I'd been the opposite I would have gotten a look in. I guess somewhere back in the day I missed out on all that supposed privilege. (As if working class people ever had any).
What it does mean is that many thousands of books that are
probably brilliant were never published, or like mine, lost in the online oceans
of self-publishing. Sure there are many crap ones and a lot of average works but I also think some of the best works ever written have never seen
the light of day. Certainly, before the internet. Those books could be out
there now and we just don’t know it.
It’s not as though people read one of my books and never
came back again. Most do come back. If not always, at least another time or two.
And the regulars prove to me that the work has merit. Most of those readers I’ve
never met in real life. Such wonderful people. I wish I could hug them.
It means that Joe Public is risk adverse and doesn’t
investigate new authors. It means that a lot of people, family, friends and
networks included don’t support the artist. This is what upsets me most of all.
There are people I’m already connected with who could have made all the
difference. They just didn’t. It’s infuriating. And really upsetting.
I honestly don't know. I think I need to take a break. I feel like I have already asked too
much of those few who support me. It’s not just the money and time
involved. Or the effort. But it certainly does cost me a lot of all of those things.
I’ve never broken even for example. Not even close.
It’s the disappointment I feel each and every time a book
fails to do anything. I am an emotional person. And if you’ve read my work, you
know that. I think this is a strength in my writing. That it emotionally
engages with people. I pour my heart out. Yet, it also takes a big personal
toll.
So, I need to stop for a while. Maybe that’s it now. I don’t
know. If I go again I can’t expect the outcome to be any different. Only a fool
repeats themselves and hopes for a different outcome.
I have six unpublished novels. One of them I wouldn’t publish.
(I may give it away as a free eBook). But the rest are my best works. If I put
them out and no one reads them it would break me. So, I need to regroup and reconsider.
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A mock cover I made for my unpublished YA dystopian novel |
I’m not writing anymore. Not fiction anyway. I have
mentioned the drug issue I have (here) and so that has prevented me from being
able to concentrate like I need to. I feel like my best writing period is behind
me. We shall see what happens when I’m off the drug but every artist (certainly
songwriters) has their peak period.
Sorry for sounding like a whiner. You have to understand
that I’ve been dreaming of being a writer since I was 8 years old. Over 45
years is a long time to harness a dream. And though my peak writing period has
been over the past 15 years, before that I was making short films, writing
screenplays and I wrote prolifically as a teenager. Many of those stories are unfortunately
lost. But I have always worked towards this goal.
Anyway, I’ll shut the fuck up now. Thank you for reading
this much. And if you’ve read my books, I more than appreciate it. I fucking
love you.
Anthony
ps Any suggestions etc welcomed.