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2018 Best New Talent - Short and Sweet Festival Sydney
2014 Pushcart Prize nominee. (more)

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BOTTOMLESS RIVER - First Look Cover..

Not too long now until my first published book, the novella, Bottomless River is released, though don't have the final date yet. Here is the preliminary cover. The final version is yet to be settled upon. I'm working through it with the publisher. I took the photograph and did the design.




I'll post the back cover soon. Again, a work in progress, but it won't be too dissimilar.

Love to hear your thoughts.

My story children's story 'Sky Boy' published.




Just a quick post to let you know that my Children's story Sky Boy is now live and you can read it here.
If you didn't know, it is my first paid gig as a writer, even though I've had numerous stories and poems published previously. The money means nothing but it's a lovely validation.

It also comes with illustrations by Nathan Wyckoff, so please drop by and check out his work and the story. It's only a couple of minutes of reading time.


If you know any kids, share the story. Would love to hear what they think.

http://www.kidsmagination.com/sky-boy

The story was written in 2006 when I was studying to be a teacher (which I decided not to fully pursue) but I did read it to a classroom of kids who seemed to really enjoy it, so it's great to finally get it out there.

Thanks for dropping by.

A Writer’s Frustration. Part 2 - Make a Sex tape





           Despite writing seven novels of a strong literary merit in a variety of genres, I am yet to find an agent willing to even look at my work, let alone a publisher. Here then, are some ideas to boost that possibility. 



A Writer’s Frustration – Schemes to get Published
Part 2 of 3 - Make a Sex tape


Some of today’s biggest celebrities have become famous because of (orchestrated) sex tapes. To name two, and they’ve been plenty, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. They weren’t actors, singers or anything prior to these ‘leaked’ porn vids. Now everyone’s in on the act. Even Scarlett Johansson thinks it’s okay to distribute a bit of ass. Her popularity has (re)skyrocketed. Apparently we now reward skanky behaviour. Lindsay Lohan's problems would be solved if only she would produce a sex tape. 




           So I’m going to follow suit. In my birthday suit. I’ll get a hot blonde to film herself giving me… (insert whatever image comes to mind) while I’m at the keyboard punching out a grand novel. ‘Oooh, what are you writing?’ she breathes.. uh, between breaths.
‘I’ll type out QWERTY and you get Flirty!’
‘Oooh I love a good keystroke.’
‘Whoa, slow down baby. I’m reaching the climax! And I haven’t got to the end yet!’

          Okay, I know it sounds woeful but have you seen the Paris Hilton sex tape? All that posturing made me puke.  She was more in love with the camera than Narcissus was with his reflection. Chemistry with her cohort? He barely existed. She would have done it solo if possible.






         Perhaps I should assume the doggie position like Kim Kardashian and quote some poetry. (Unlike Kim's three syllables). I could have lines rehearsed like Colin Farrell in his classic sex tape. (I could eat this shite at breakfast lunch and night). Classy. 
Mine would be more highbrow. More in the style of the classic Masters. We could turn people on…. To poetry!

Move aside Shelley, Yeats and Keats.
 It’s time to get some poetry …
between the sheets!

Or

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio
A fellow of infinite jest
Until he gave me Fellatio. 





           What a wonderful idea! I could film different chapters in different locales using the classics interspersed with my own inspired stanzas, delivered by porn stars. It’s really no different to the way Hollywood is chewing up classic movies, which I call, The Rape of the Remake. It will be literature's turn very soon!

           I’ll send dvd copies to publishers. Ill hack their websites with literary porn! Perhaps I could make Audio/visual books… with sex! A narrator reads the novel while a sex scene plays out. We’ll make people fall in love with literature all over again… plus a money shot.


Do it doggie style.

Driving Miss Exclamation Point.
I think I’m going to be rich.


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A Writer’s Frustration – Schemes to get Published. Pt 1 - The Stephanie Meyer School of Writing


         Despite writing seven novels of a strong literary merit in a variety of genres, I am yet to find an agent willing to even look at my work, let alone a publisher. Here then, are some ideas to boost that possibility. 



A Writer’s Frustration – Schemes to get Published

Part 1 of 3 - The Stephanie Meyer School of Writing 

He's just sooo sensitive!



Reinvent the genre. You know what I mean. Vampires that believe in sex after marriage. Vampires that can walk around in the daylight and sparkle. Vampires who don't kill. I could do this too. Forget tradition and all that. There’s money to be made.


I was thinking along the lines of werewolves who sleep at night. No? How about a lonely down and out Dracula? We’ll call it True Mud. We want readers to feel sorry for him so he definitely can’t eat people. He could live on dung beetles. No, that’s almost as dumb as sparkling vampires.


How about gay fairies? You leave your tooth in a glass, get left a dollar and wake up gay!




No, too out there. Has to be more, I don’t know, beige. So safe your great-grandmother wouldn’t be offended. How about Frankenstein? Instead of being created from body parts, (that’s sooo gross), we’ll make him born of an immaculate birth (no sex, ew). We don't want to scare anyone either so instead of a scary guy, we’ll make him a hot her. Franken-sheila.
Brilliant. We’ll set it in the Australian Outback. She’s an American journalist and travels to do a story. She meets a Doctor, like the traditional Dr. Frankenstein, except he works in the Flying Doctor service. 







He goes around stealing organs from the rich to give to the poor. That way, we keep some of the whole yucky body parts tradition alive. Wouldn’t want people to get too upset with me. There’s an element of Robin Hood in there too! She’s a lot like Marion. Don’t want her to be too smart either. Stephanie Meyer is a housewife after all, so we’ll make her a bimbo tourist. Genius! We’ll throw in a bit of Colleen McCullough’s The Thorn Birds in there and make it a real love fest. They can Konoodle on the plane over Ayers Rock or Uluru or whatever you want to call it. 


Uluru at sunset - My photo - 2006


We’ll call it Cradle Rock, because who cares about sticking to folklore right? Tradition? What’s that? Fuck it, we’ll call it Konoodle Rock and they can get married on top. Then, and only then, can they consummate the relationship. Missionary style of course.

I just heard a hundred million teenage voices go aahhhhhhhh.
I think I’m going to be rich.




(2021 Update, after several small books published, I went my own way. Now there's plenty for you at...)


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